gridlore: One of the "Madagascar" penguins with a checklist: [x] cute [x] cuddly [x] psychotic (Penguin - Checklist)
Well, it's that time again. March Madness. When America grinds to a screeching stop so we can pretend not to bet on a college basketball tournament. Even though i won't be doing my part by wasting billions of dollars of productivity following the games, I've filled out my brackets.

Two of them, actually. One on ESPN and one on Yahoo, both of which will mark the only time I use those accounts all year. The annual Filling Out Of The Brackets has become a holy ritual, with some people spending more effort determining whether Seton Hall has a better free throw percentage than Xavier than they will on their taxes. Which explain much about this nation.

By the way, I'd totally pay more attention to college basketball if "Xavier" was actually the school from the X-Men comics. I mean, is it traveling if you fly with the ball in your hands? But alas, that dream must stay in the realm of the comic book that I demand be on the shelves pronto.

There's even a term for this national obsession with obscure schools you've never heard of: "Bracketology." If you listen to sports radio in late February you will hear grown mean discussing how to fill out your bracket in the way I was told how to save my life if I was exposed to nerve gas: in great detail and deathly serious. For eight years the President of the United States would host ESPN in the White House so he could reveal not a secret plan to send Rush Limbaugh to Mars, but his picks for the NCAA Tournament. It was a show! And boy do I miss that guy right now.

But I'm not a basketball fan in the least. Despite being a total sports goober basketball never appealed in the least. Even though I grew up in the glory days of Dr. J, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, and witnessed the deification of Michael Jordan, I was just never into the game itself. Too many weird fouls, I suppose. It would be action action action *tweet* and everyone marches to the other end of the court.

I also blame my mother. As was required by law, our house had a basketball net mounted on the garage. This was put up despite one kid being legally blind and the other two being sports-adverse. But on warm summer nights we'd dutifully file out for a game of Horse. If you're not familiar with the game, one person shoots a basket. If they make it, the next person has to replicate the shot or get a letter. Spell Horse and you're out.

Which would be fine, except my mom was an undiscovered basketball prodigy! She'd nail hook shots, jumpers through the horrible sap-ridden tree branches, and even from the end of the driveway! And then I'd be handed the ball and told to try my best! Ha! There's a reason I became a dedicated bookworm.

There you go, the reason why basketball and I aren't friends. We just don't get along well, and I think we're both good with that. I cheer for the Warriors when I hear about them, and can name at least three team members; although I have to admit that comes from listening to news radio all day, not actual interest.

But I did fill out my brackets. On both I picked Duke to win because I heard someone say that Duke was the bookmakers' favorite. So of course Duke will be beaten in the first round just to screw up my entire bracket. A more likely scenario is I'll have a good first round, get my hopes up, and then watch the entire thing burn down, fall over, and sink into the swamp.

I know everyone reading this is dying to know my secrets to picking a bracket. Do I compare stats? Check the teams comparative records? Examine the coaching philosophies? Seek out the wisdom of wiser heads and heed their advice?

No, most years I pick almost at random. I usually go for the higher seeded team unless I like the other school more. For example, I always pick Wisconsin to do at least moderately well, due to family ties and the fact that I like badgers. My other method is to play Mascot Deathmatch. Which mascot would win a fight? This is why in the years Stanford has made it to the tournament I've never picked them to win. Their mascot is a tree. Trees are terrible fighters.

Go brackets! Do me proud, and I'd like to apologize to Kirsten for my annual descent into March Madness.
gridlore: Photo: Rob Halford on stage from the 1982 "Screaming for Vengeance" tour (Music - Rob Halford)
Thought I'd do something different this morning. Along with his direct parodies and great original material, Weird Al Yankovic also does style parodies; he writes an original song using the readily identifiable style of an existing band.

Today we have CNR, a style parody of The White Stripes. Lyrics are about superhuman feats that Charles Nelson Reilly could accomplish, similar to Chuck Norris facts found all over the net. One of my favorite Weird Al songs, especially for the shout out to Jim Croce's You Don't Mess Around with Jim.

gridlore: The word Giants over a baseball (Baseball - SF Giants)
The Giants have released their commercials for the 2013 season. This year, they're really emphasizing the link between the fans and the team.

Last season, outfielder Hunter Pence became legendary for his clubhouse speeches. He coined what became our post-season mantra: 25 guys, one goal: win today.

So naturally the Giants took advantage of the Reverend Pence's inspirational talks...
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Atheism - God)
The new Pope (played by Antonio Bandares) emerges onto the balcony of the Apostolic Palace, motions for quiet, and then begins to sing...

Apologies to my Catholic friends and family, this sprung into my mind fully formed when I heard we had an Argentine Pope. )

Yeah, I'm going to that special Hell. Not my best effort, but I had to do it because.. Special Hell.

Oh, here's a great version of the original:

gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Me - Megadeth and Beer)

filk by Douglas E. Berry

ttto: Convoy by Wiiliam D. Fries, Jr. & Louis F. Davies, Jr.

All lyrics in parenthesis are to be spoken.

(Yeah, if everybody could settle down, I'm this year's chair,)
(Can you hear me in the back, Pigpen?)
(Ah yeah, thanks for that, Pigpen, we've got a lot to go through)
(By golly we got a lot to do in the next 14 months.)
(Yeah, it's a big job there Pigpen. But we definitely got a good group here.)
(Mercy sakes alive, looks like we got us a ConCom)

It was the dark of the moon on the sixth of June
In the hotel's all-night bar
Kevin and Andy with lampshades on
And Garcia posting blogs
We were drinking the news that our bid had won
Word had come from an ill-timed Tweet
I says Pigpen, you're in charge of guests
This con's going to be so sweet

Cause we got a little concom, workin' thru the night
Yeah we got a little concom, and everything is all right
Come on and join our concom, we've ribbons to give away
We're gonna run a big convention, come next Labor Day...

(Ah, yeah, Pigpen you got any ideas for Writer GOH?)
(OK, Al Bester would be great, but he's dead.)
(Maybe you should ask your second for ideas.)

By the time we got to New Year's Eve we had 85 vols in all
But FurNationFest is coming soon
And our numbers start to fall
Yeah them Furries' thick as bugs on a bumper
The attention was getting us miffed
So we sent Pigpen in as a fur-clad spy
And he came back thoroughly yiffed

Cause we got a great big concom, workin' thru the night
Yeah we got a great big concom, and everything is all right
Come on and join our concom, we've ribbons to give away
We're gonna run a huge convention, come next Labor Day...

(Ah, you want to repeat what you just told me, Pigpen?)
(Ah, hell no, Pigpen, I do not want to see pictures!)
(Yeah some things that happen at the Airport Hilton should stay at the
Airport Hilton.)
(Mercy's sakes you did not just post that to Facebook!)

Well we thundered down to our move in date
Like a rocket sled on rails
We tore up all of our hotel deals
As the lawyers told sad tales
By the time we hit the one month mark
The con was was running out of space
We had to rent a banquet hall
From the Sisters of Perpetual Grace

There's a dealer's hall and art and games
And Boffers with rattan clubs
Yeah them hotel rooms was full of fans
And sodas filled the tubs
Well we'd done our best
We went for broke
For two thousand screaming fans
And eleven longhaired body builders
Dressed as barbarians

(Ah, Chair? This is Security 1. You awake?)
(Yeah, ten-four Security.)
(Um, the barbarians just seized the breakfast buffet. They're going to
sacrifice an omelet to Crom.)
(Have you had one of those omelets? OK, OK... I'll be right down.)

Well we made it through to Saturday night
And everything was running fine
But the Masquerade was jam-packed
And just couldn't run on time
I says "Pigpen, it's past 1 AM
And we got 87 costumes to go."
So we shut 'er down, everyone had won
I says "Let them parties roll, ye-hah!"

Cause we got a mighty concom,, workin' thru the night
Yeah we got a mighty concom and everything is all right
Come on and join our concom, we've ribbons to give away
We're running a big convention, 'till the end of Labor Day...

(So Pigpen. Any ideas for GOH next year? CARD?)
(Yeah, maybe we oughta let somebody else handle guests next time).
(Well mercy sakes good buddy, we gotta start getting ready for tear down,)
(So keep the mundanes at bay and FIAWOL.)
(We'll catch you at the Dead Dog.)
(This here's the ex-Chair on the way to bed. We gone. bye bye.)

gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Penguin - Eat you)

You think water moves fast? You should see ice. It moves like it has a mind. Like it knows it killed the world once and got a taste for murder. After the avalanche, it took us a week to climb out. Now, I don't know exactly when we turned on each other, but I know that seven of us survived the slide... and only five made it out. Now we took an oath, that I'm breaking now. We said we'd say it was the snow that killed the other two, but it wasn't. Nature is lethal but it doesn't hold a candle to man.

Do you see any Teletubbies in here? Do you see a slender plastic tag clipped to my shirt with my name printed on it? Do you see a little Asian child with a blank expression on his face sitting outside on a mechanical helicopter that shakes when you put quarters in it? No? Well, that's what you see at a toy store. And you must think you're in a toy store, because you're here shopping for an infant named Jeb.
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Believe in Shadows)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

George Lucas walks into his office only to find Darth Vader waiting there. As Vader Force-chokes Lucas to death, he says "I find your incessant meddling.. disturbing." *thud*

Luke walks in, and glances at the corpse. "I don't know why you're complaining; at least you got laid. You got laid, Han got laid... for all I know, Chewie was getting busy with the Ewoks. Me, I get my hand chopped off and become a Zen monk."

As Vader strides from the office he mutters "Holy crap, was I ever this whiny?" From the office Luke shouts "Based on Episodes II & III, hell yes!"

Vader spins around. "This!" he thunders pointing a shaking finger at Luke, "This is why Jedi are forbidden to have kids!"
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (San Francisco - GG Bridge)
Over on Yahoo!Answers, someone asked what the homosexual agenda was. I answered.

0630: Wake up, shower.

0700-0800: Gym, then breakfast at the Juice Bar. Sign up for the marathon training group.

0830-1130: Work from home, address the continuing problem in the server architecture. Consider script allowing me to beat people over the net.

1200-1330: Lunch, then hit Whole Foods to shop for dinner with Mike and Andy. Vegetarian Lasagna? Andy will still be a bitchy Vegan. Tempted to buy steak.

1400-1600: Overthrow the moral underpinnings of Western Civilization. Destroy the family as a social unit, subvert nation's children ensuring our extinction. Laugh as the world's cities burn in endless riots caused by the end of all moral restraint. Check Craigslist for new office chair.

1630-1700: Haircut and facial. Hopefully Armando is available. Complete fairy, but a genius with scissors.

1900: Dinner. If David tells that story about the duck again, he's sleeping on the couch.

Pity I'm straight/asexual.. I'm so good at being gay otherwise.
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Gadsen)
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Me - Glare of Sarcasm)
funny celebrity pictures - Titanic And Inception: Mind=BLOWN
see more Lol Celebs
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Default)
Share photos on twitter with Twitpic
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Atheism - God)
[ profile] wcg is an evil, wrong man. Which is why we love him.
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Kitty!)
Brian Wilson kitteh  celebrates a save
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Flying Bunnies)
From Daily Kos' Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

CHEERS to Spring!  Q: Where do people go to take classes about the seasons? A: At the School of Hard Vernal Equinox!  Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!! No, but seriously, as you're choking on your veal I'll take this opportunity to point out that as soon as the sun crosses over the equator at 7:21pm EDT Sunday, I shall put on my tutu, strap on my fairy wings, run outside and skip barefoot through the barley fields with the wee village folk to celebrate the official end of winter. If history repeats itself, I'll end up squishing several of them (they're really wee), but their screams will fall on deaf ears because, really, this is supposed to be a happy time and they're not going to ruin it for me again. Memo to daffodils: start poinking!
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Death)
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Me - Desk)
As I was being loaded into the ambulance, one of the firefighters stuck his head in to confirm which hospital I was being taken too. Still a bit out of it, and starting to really feel the O2, I turned to the EMT riding with me and said.. "Wow. Epic porn 'stache!" It was.

The guy kind of looked like Jeff Kent, a member of baseballs All-Star Porn 'Stache Team
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Bears!)
Big cartoon under the cut )
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Penguin - Different)
Our penguins are on drugs.

Penguins on drugs!
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Army - Infantry)
Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

Airborne Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

Aviation: Blinks while aiming, destroys local village instead, swears the snake had a Stinger locked on him.

Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return.

Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using counter mobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.

Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes.

Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake Force projection.

Marine Corps: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.

Air Force: Has GPS coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.

Feel free to add your MOS to the list.


gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Default)

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