Douglas E. Berry

kshandra and I were doing a little clearing out of stuff in the kitchen and came across a Box of MYSTERY on a hard-to-reach shelf. Being the Designated Tall Person, I got it down. It was filled with survival food from Patriot Pantry. Which is the best crazy prepper site ever.

We went through them and decided that we could use most of them for Burning Man. A couple are going up on the local Buy Nothing group. This simplifies the food planning aspect for both our dinners as well as for the camp Thanksgiving. The others? Well, I bought that travel pack of hot sauce for a reason.

We will still be doing some stuff on the food saver and freezing it because it's always good to have options. One thing we will bring is a can of beanless chili to add to the Mac and Cheese because chili mac is good Army food. Campmates are welcome to join us for that culinary delight.

So as of right now, we are pretty well-sorted for the food plan. We have breakfast stuff, dinner stuff, and even a few desserts. Lunch will be leftovers, if we eat lunch, because who wants to eat midday at Burning Man?

Now we're just waiting to hear about our camp dues and the resolution of the trailer mess.

When kshandra and I do our weekly shopping at Safeway, we always check the "Manager's Special" bin in the meat section. Every so often there's something in there that says "Hi! I'm Sunday dinner!"

Today was one of those days, and we got a deeply-discounted package of steak pieces in a wonderful marinade. So tasty. Always check the bargain bins! We also look at the "We Baked Too Much rack for goodies.

A great steak deserves a good beer, and I experimented with something new. I grabbed a KSA Kölsch Style Ale from Fort Point Beer Co. Really nice ale, with a sharp, almost fruity taste.

I am now full and ready to face a week of work.

Last night we went out for dinner at a real restaurant with Dana Bates to celebrate Kirsten's birthday. We met at La Paloma, and it was weird going inside to eat. It really had been that long.

I'd been dealing with some stomach issues, so I kept it simple, and had the chicken quesadillas. So good! After a lovely dinner, we parted ways, and Kiri and I hit Smart & Final for a few things before heading home.

That when things turned bad. Remember those stomach issues I mentioned? Earlier I had taken some Immodium to deal with them. Nine times out of ten I take Immodium and it does its job, no problems. But yesterday was the day that I hit that 10% shot.

Long story short, I got really nauseous and ended up losing my dinner. Utterly miserable. I'm feeling better now.

But all in all, it was worth it to enjoy a nice night out.

Some time ago Kirsten and I made the happy discovery that most of the offers that came in the Omaha mailers would be honored at the brick and mortar store. Yesterday we went to stock up on MEAT!

And made out like bandits.

Here's what we got:

• Five ready-made dinners for kshandra. They were $9.99 each.


• Four 4oz Top Sirloin steaks for $25.99.


• Four 4oz Filet Mingons for $39.99.


• Four Apple and Gouda Chicken sausages. $7.50.


• A tube of seasoned steak butter for $5.99.


• Finally, 12 bacon-wrapped shimp bites with peppercjack cheese - FREE!

All of this we got deals on. In fact, saved just over half the retail cost. I'm not kidding, everyone should shop here if they can. Get on the mailing list, look for the deals, and stock up.

I do this because I really hate cows.

Thank Halford for the extra hour of sleep we were given last night. I so needed it as Saturday was a very busy, fulfilling day.

( A Tale of Two and a Half Parks )

Hey! Guess who has two thumbs, did a ton of hard work and walking today, and totally forgot to wear their FitBit for any of it!

That would be me, of course, unless some of you are living strangely parallel lives out there. In which case, you have my sympathy. Because today was very odd. Very odd, indeed.

It started out calmly enough. I woke up after a good night's sleep and after setting the apartment on fire to warm up things a bit, sat down at the computer. I noticed that my FitBit was showing a weak charge, so into the charger it went. Kirsten eventually got up, we had some breakfast, and got ready for the first errand of the day, collecting the recycling and taking it over to the recycling place.

At which point my lower digestive tract nosed over into a power dive. After several horrifying minutes, I asked Kiri if she'd mind doing the recycling run without me, as I was in the process of emulating Elvis in the bathroom. She left me to my cruel fate and I cursed the idea of eating as a way to get nutrition.

Eventually, the universe showed me mercy, and after setting the bathroom on fire as a precautionary measure I staggered back into the living room area. Where I decided to be helpful. Today's other big project was moving a spare mattress, mattress cover, and two bagged sleeping bags to the Free Trailer Beowulf and getting the bed set up again. There were a couple of smaller tasks, but this was the big one.

Thing is, even a twin-sized futon mattress is heavy and awkward, and I was trying to wrestle it through our cluttered living space. I got the damn thing out the door, where it lay on the porch looking like a really big, sad burrito. Added the two trash bags holding the sleeping bags plus a couple of cedar balls, and the stick-on lights we bought at Harbor Freight the last time we were there. Sank back onto my now empty futon and watched TV until Kirsten got home.

Notice the words "and then I put my FitBit back on" never appear in the preceding paragraphs.

Having two people wrestle the mattress into the truck was slightly easier than getting the thing out the door. But only slightly. Everything snugly in the truck bed, we were back on the road!

There's an odd thing about owning a truck. When you first get it, you are paranoid about driving with cargo unsecured in the bed. You are secretly convinced that barring a convoluted web of bungee cords and tie-down straps rated to hold the space shuttle in place that 12-pack of Coke you just bought is going to be hurtled out of the truck at the slightest bump. But as you get used to driving things, you get an eye for gauging what loads need securing. This one was just fine with gravity holding everything down.

Once at Pedron's RV Storage, and after finding that our brilliant plan to secure the tarp cover was not so brilliant, we proceeded to work. First step: reassemble the lower half of the bed support. Done! Then get the mattress into the protective cover. Much like wrestling Jell-O, but done! The cover is there so the mattress doesn't suck up dust and any fluids that might spill. We can leave the bed in the trailer now.

Then came the really hard part. Hauling the mattress from where it was behind the truck to the trailer door, about 12 feet away. Then getting the blasted thing through the door and onto the bed platform. This was the hardest work of the day, with me in the trailer pulling and Kirsten outside pushing and the damn mattress catching on every possible corner and edge.

Finally, finally! It is in place. We collapse, hearts hammering, and realize that the lower half of the bed platform is still noticeably lower than the top. That's an easy fix. Groaning, we get moving again and bring the sleeping bags in, set up the storage boxes in the storage unit, and place the two lights. We also got all the loose odds and ends into one bag so getting to work inside in the future will be easier. Kirsten also mounted a solar trickle charger on our battery.

We reload everything that lives in the Free Trailer Beowulf and lock her up. I tell Kirsten I'm going to walk a round-about route to the gate to key us out of the facility. It's odd because with all this work I haven't felt it buzz once. That's when I notice that it is not on my arm. Oy Vey!

Such effort demands an award, and our reward was a late lunch at Sweet Tomatoes. They make a really good chili there, and great breads. I was tempted by their spaghetti but wanted to keep things light, due to the earlier issues. Good eats, filled up the truck, and home for a nap.

We may head back tomorrow to do a couple more pieces of work. We need to change out the dehumidifier, pull down some cables, and we forgot to put one thing into the trailer. And I'll wear my FitBit.

Had an annoyance this morning. I'm finally getting back to my writing group. The fall session started in late August, but I would have missed two of four sessions due to Burning Man, so why pay for that? So I was ready and eager to get back to having to explain things to my fellow writers who know nothing about science-fiction.

A ritual I've developed is hitting the McDonald's drive-thru for breakfast. I love their sausage biscuits with egg, and I get a milk to go with it. I do this because making breakfast myself requires spoons that I'll need later. Plus, yummy biscuits.

I should have known there was a problem when the line was at a dead stop. But I had given myself plenty of time, and I wanted my sandwich! So I crept the truck up to the order box. Where I gave my exceedingly simple order in a clearly enunciated voice. "Sausage Biscuit with Egg, and a milk, please."

All I get is an "OK, second window" and nothing on the order screen. This was a little disturbing, but the screen has been out for a while. And my order is dead fucking simple.

Still creeping. I have the window down and I don't care who hears me mangle Turn the Page Finally get to the window, with my formally comfortable time cushion deflating rapidly.

The young lady asks me for an amount way over what I know my order costs, even with tax. When I question this, she reads back my order as "Egg McMuffin meal . . ." I stop her right there. Where the hell does one get "Egg McMuffin" from "Sausage Biscuit with Egg"? She gets the correct order up, and after wandering aimlessly for three minutes hands me my order. Stopping only long enough to check it was my order, and not a BigMac or a half-eaten donut from across the street, I raced (as well as one can race on streets with a 25mph speed limit) to school, devouring my precious food all the way. I figured I'd just slam the milk in the parking lot. I'm an old truck driver, many times I've eaten a meal in stages in three different places.

Find parking, put up my Gimp Placard, and grab my milk. I twist the cap open and get a refreshing mouthful of . . . nothing. That, and my lips are very cold. The milk they handed me was frozen solid. It was a rock. Frustrated, I grabbed a few swallows from a water fountain and headed in for the group.

Which was terrific as ever. Good to see everyone again after the extended summer break, and see what people were working on. This group lasts two hours, 1000-1200 hours, and it was a warm day here in Santa Clara. We even stayed late to allow one more story to be read. The milk jug was still solid.

Back over to McD's, where the manager was appalled. She quickly checked the unit where milk and the like are stored and swore in a language that was both beautiful and venomous. She was pissed. I've seen this woman, always clad in the best hijab that manages to compliment the uniform of the day, running the morning shift like a pro. She takes pride in her work. She quickly refunded my money, and I was on my way.

But seriously, the problem with the frozen milk aside (which is a training issue, someone forgot to reset the temperature controls) my real complaint was with the young lady who took my order. She failed to offer a greeting, failed to confirm my order, failed to tell me my total, and I never got a thank you. This location is hiring a lot of new people, but someone that inexperienced should not be running breakfast rush by herself. I can only imagine how many errors ahead of me were the cause of the glacial movement of the line.

I know I've never worked fast food, but I have worked jobs where getting and relaying accurate information is vital to success. I've been a dispatcher, carried messages from contractors to my warehouse manager and sales staff, and, oh yeah, learned to call in artillery and air strikes! You do not want to say Sausage Biscuit with Egg and have them hear Egg McMuffin in that last one!

And it really isn't like this is my only option. Within a short drive, there is a Jack in the Box, a Burger King, and if I want to go nuts, I can sit down at Denny's. I hate to sound like That Customer, but they are in a fight to keep my money in their tills.

Oh, well. At least I got my biscuit.

Most people just ignore the weekly pile of adverts and spam that clog our mailboxes. But, since we're poor, I do comb through looking for coupons and deals. A few weeks ago, I found a doozy.

Everyone has heard of Omaha Steaks, right? Amazing purveyor of dead tasty animals? Pricey as hell and worth every penny? Well, in amongst the coupons for car washes and Japanese drive-thru, there was an offer from Omaha. We pounced. Because for about 50 bucks we are getting the following:

• 2 5oz Filet Mignons


• 2 5oz Top Sirloins


• 4 4.5oz Chicken Fried Steaks


• 4 3oz Polynesian Pork Chops


• 15 oz package of All-Beef Meatballs


• 4 4oz Omaha Steaks Burgers


• 4 3oz Gourmet Jumbo Franks


• 16 oz package Omaha Steakhouse Fries


• 4 Caramel Apple Tartlets

$227 value. With shipping, we paid about $70 total. And that's going to be several excellent dinners for us.

The offer is good through the end of November. Jump on it.

( And it's still Saturday! )

After the show, we traveled to Oakland where a friend of Kiri's had offered us a place to sleep for the night, so we wouldn't have to drive all the way home and have her have to come back to SF the next day. This nice lady had very friendly dogs. I was pleased.

( Welcome to the ORG. Be one with the ORG )

So far, a great weekend, and now I'm resting.

A night of revelry!

( This got long )