Douglas E. Berry

Back in November, I managed to get a Grade II ankle sprain which caused me to miss a ton of work. That healed, but on New Year's Eve, I had a nasty fall while clearing out our old storage unit. Long story short, I suffered a fractured elbow (no surgery needed, thankfully) and trauma-induced bursitis over the greater trochanter. Yes, football fans, I have a hip pointer.

I just have to let things heal, and I'm on Vicodin for pain management. But I'm missing another month of work and bills rejected by my pitiful insurance carrier are starting to show up. Right now, I can't get out of bed without help. It is slowly improving, but that doesn't help in the short term.

To that end, we're running a GoFundMe campaign. Anything helps, really, anything at all. What might be the best thing all y'all could do is share this campaign. Many hands make the burden lighter.

Thank you for anything you can do to help us out. All donations will be used for medical expenses only, you aren't paying for our Burning Man supplies.

More Medical Problems

I ran out to grab some Gatorade because it remains Muggy here in the Valley of Silicon. Of course, I dropped $20 on MegaMillions. Paying the math tax. . . but what would we do if we won?

I'm really not a materialistic person. I would get all the work done needed for me to have working dentures, pay off my immediate family's debts (and I have a wide definition of family), and probably buy a condo in San Francisco across the street from Oracle Park and membership in Club 415. But no mansions or supercars, Kirsten might want bling, but not me.

What we would do is travel. I've never been to Prague or Vienna. I want to marvel at the art and history of Northern Italy and (if safe) visit the ruins of Carthage. Ride the restored Orient Express from Gare de l'Est to its terminus at Sirkeci garı in İstanbul, a city I love like no other.

But most of it would go to support causes near to my heart. Aiding Native American Nations, and supporting liberty for all, all the Bleeding Heart groups would get generous donations from us. I might even buy a suit.

I will, of course, be buying politicians. But being new at this, I'll start small. A library commissioner, perhaps.

My one, damn the cost effort will be to recover The Maltese Falcon and bring it home!

After much consideration, we have decided to get the original trailer, the one damaged in transit, repaired using the insurance money we've received. Part of the reason was the insurance does not cover transportation costs, so we would be on the hook for shipping this trailer back to Outbound and paying for a new one to be delivered. That could cost close to five grand that we need for other things.

So, the place that did the estimate can do all the work except for the wheel alignment, and we've got a good referral to a place that can do that job. We just need to get the remaining insurance money (the deductible owed to use by the hauling company that caused this nightmare) and we can start work. We might get started earlier for a faster turnaround.

We will end up being a little out of pocket, but nowhere near what we would have paid for shipping trailers back and forth across the continental divide. So, that's the plan, and the name is officially the Free Trailer Tramp Cripwire, or Trampy for short.

We're having a busy day! We took my long-neglected bike down to The Off Ramp for new tires and dry lube. did the weekly shopping while waiting for that to get done, and after a short break, we're heading down to do some stuff with the totaled trailer and then to REI for a little prep shopping.
Which, annoyingly, will include pricing an emergency backup tent if this drama with the insurance company drags on much longer.

(A little bit later. . .)

After a rest, we rolled all the way down to the place where we store our trailer. It's not overly convenient, but the price is decent. We had two goals, Use our trailer dolly to place the trailer in the slot (neither of us is very good at backing the trailer up, something we *will* work on when we get the new one) and putting the useless fucking license plate on.

Turns out the license plate didn't come with nuts, so we'll be hitting Home Depot for those. Also, I was a bit concerned about the play in the mounting, so will be adjusting that next week when we go down to try this again. We did move the trailer into position, and as a bonus, figured out how the read stabilizer legs work. Go us.

From there we rewarded ourselves with a trip to REI. We picked up some camp food, mainly breakfast stuff because easy in the morning is best, I grabbed a nice set of small hot sauce bottles and a dessert. We're going to save that for last night.

We also picked up so camp lighting solutions, two rolls of Nunn tablets, and a water bottle that will fit in my bike's water holder. We briefly looked at shoes, as the New Balance shoes I wear for work are definitely showing their age, but didn't find anything good.

The one thing we failed to do was go to Bank of America and close our account. We have cut every autopay and reset every account to work off the Star One Credit Union account. Today was the day we were going to go in, get the last amount out, and end that chapter of our lives. But we forgot.

We even identified the fail point. We were fully expecting to drop off my bike and be told: "it will be ready Tuesday" or whatever. Instead, they had an open shop and were able to get to it right away. Our carefully laid plans in shambles, both of us forgot the bank and instead opted for the weekly shopping.

It's all good, we'll go over there next weekend. Along with finally seeing Dr. Strange.

To bring people up to date, here's where we stand.

Last winter we ordered a very basic travel trailer from Outbound Trailer. We really just need a stable place to sleep at Burning Man, but getting goodies like installed solar panels and a good quality trailer to replace the, um, interesting home build that was the first Free Trailer Beowulf made it an easy decision.

Outbound was great, got our trailer built, and then onto a shipper. That's where shit hits the fan. The original driver - who has since been fired, hopefully from a cannon - reported that he was stuck in Anaheim. At first, he claimed his truck just died, but his story kept changing. Asshole. Eventually, the new trailer was delivered.

And it was fucked up. The tongue jack was twisted, and this was a piece of metal! The wiring harness had been completely sheared in two places. Inside, there was damage to the flooring. But the best part, the damn driver had been SLEEPING IN OUR FUCKING TRAILER. kshandra found the asshole's clothes in one order, and he had opened the packet of paperwork that was for us and left it scattered all over.

We learned that the trailers are shipped with the tongue jack retracted. The asshole had stopped, set up the trailer, strapped it, and drove on, probably grinning at how he was saving per diem money. Outbound was shocked. The shipping company was pissed, and we were stuck with a trailer that had obviously been severely damaged.

We've been dancing with the shipper's insurance company for weeks now. They want us to get an estimate on repairs. Fine we find a place to do it, go to the yard where we store the trailer, and. . . the damn hitch lock we bought won't come off. Back home, a little research showed that we bought a piece of shit that won't open with the keys, but will come off with a Slim Jim in seconds.

Fuck our lives.

We ordered a much better lockset. One that not only includes a ball coupler lock, but also a lock for the coupler latch and the hitch pin, all working off one key. The problem was getting the old lock off. So today we headed down with mayhem and chaos on our minds. After a fun detour caused by traffic on 101, we arrived.

The damn lock resited WD-40, the shim we brought, and dire threats. I was giving it one last try when it finally came loose. FUCK YEAH! We installed the new locks, being sure to test them carefully. Victory was ours!

After that, we went to Orchar. . .oops, I mean Outdoor Supply Hardware. I wanted some solution for identifying keys with my bad memory. We found great key toppers in various colors, a nice set of D-ring carabiners to hold trailer-related keys, and batteries.

Now we can take the trailer for inspection. I am seriously worried that the frame has been damaged. This thing has been totaled, and it is all the transport company's fault. We need them to pay out so Outbound can build our replacement. They've promised to put us at the top of the queue, as this has never happened before.

We're taking it over on Wednesday. Fingers crossed, everyone!

Oh, and we've decided that the name of the new, undamaged, trailer will be Free Trailer Beowulf II

Because I really need more fucking stress in my life right now. . .

I just got two bills for medical treatment totaling nearly $4,000. Both were for appointments and procedures approved by my insurer. I also got a letter asking for a copy of my insurance card, as there were difficulties getting my carrier to pay. Needless to say, Monday after my first shift I shall be burning up their phones.

Did I mention that I got called for jury duty next week? The week I'm scheduled for surgery? I went to the ejuror site to try to say "I have surgery scheduled that week, sorry" online to find that you have only a very limited set of options, and can't ask for a postponement by phone or email. I'm still going to call the court to tell them to fuck off.

It's going to be an interesting week.

What a week. We got the news several days ago, right on schedule, that our trailer from Outbound Trailer was finished and ready to ship. kshandralooked at what they wanted to charge for shipping, and decided to shop around on the advice of some people in her office. We got an amazing quote, went for it, and the trailer was supposed to be picked up last Friday.

And the driver never showed. Come Monday, we learn that the first driver was going to tow our brand new trailer the 1,500-odd miles from Hastings, Nebraska to Santa Clara. Yes, I want that much wear on my brand-new tires right away. Then we got told a flatbed could pick it up, but for TWICE the price we agreed to pay. The broker kept saying we had an estimate, folks, that document had contract written on it in several places. Cue both of us freaking out.

In the meantime, the amazing folks at Outbound were working with us. They actually found a solution that entailed meeting a truck in Madera, in the Central Valley, and picking up the trailer there. Want a laugh? The place we'd be meeting the driver was someplace I had been when I was driving for SuperShuttle. It's like a three-hour drive each way but would have saved us a lot of money. I figured this was going to be our best bet.

Until today when Casey called to say they had a driver heading our way who had some space! So now the trailer will be here (hopefully) next Wednesday and for only a tiny amount more than we originally got quoted from the weasel broker.

And just like that, it's gone.

After not getting much response from local Burner groups, kshandra bit the bullet and put the Beowulf up on Facebook Marketplace. Along with the usual cast of idiots, we got three serious inquiries and arranged to meet with them in a supermarket parking lot.

We got there in plenty of time, and the first potential buyer messages they were walking over. Wait, what? You're buying a thousand-pound trailer. We're ready to hand it over right now. But our worries disappeared when we saw that the buyers were in fact a family with three very small kids. They loved the trailer were agreed to the price. Their issue was that while their SUV had a hitch receiver, they hadn't bought a ball hitch yet. We were more than happy to deliver the trailer.

After showing how the various hitch pieces worked, money was exchanged, and we headed to AAA for the title exchange. It was all easy as hell. The Beowulf is not ours anymore and is off our insurance. As a bonus, we noticed that this same shopping center where AAA was located also was home to an Outdoor Supply Hardware store! Successor to the much-missed Orchard Supply, we walked and remarked that it smelled like an OSH. We wandered around, failed again to get a spare key made for Darby, found a fire extinguisher for the new trailer, and headed home.

Tomorrow we need to run back down to the sellers and drop off the solar panels we forgot to get out of storage. Then prep for the new trailer begins in earnest.

Considering my original long-term survival goal was living to see 2000, I take every new year as a win.

So, what's coming up for me and Offhand Manor in 2022? Well, my health is going to dominate things for at least the next few months. We need to find out the cause of the inflammation seen in my eyes and now in a lymph chain in my chest. I had a head MRI yesterday, and still need to schedule a PET scan and a lumbar punch. Ow. Plus there's now a cataract in my right eye that needs to be dealt with. There are plenty of appointments coming up. Just to make things more fun, my hemo-oncologist retired and I'll be dumping this all on a new doctor.

Fun times, folks.

Alongside that, I'm going to keep working on physical and mental health. My job makes getting my daily steps in easy, but I really need to get the TRX bands out at least three times a week and work on getting back to the gym when possible. Mentally, I was able to recognize that I was setting myself up for failure in a situation and back out of it, which was a win, but I need to set aside time for mindfulness. 30 minutes a day of quiet meditation really helps center me.

One big thing coming up is our July roadtrip to Tonopah, Nevada for Westercon 74. kshandra has really wanted to get me away from the warzone our neighborhood becomes over July 4th, and besides the con, there are some cool things to see in Tonopah. Like the The World-Famous Clown Motel!

We won't be staying there. But we will kill the camera batteries in the 19th-century cemetery across the street. It'll be a fun trip!

What's really cool is Burning Man is coming back! After a two-year hiatus, we're going back to the desolate, dusty, sun-blasted Playa we love. Planning is already in progress, as I was born to be a staff officer. Speaking of which. . .

The Free Trailer Beowulf is dead, long live the Far Trailer Marava! After five years, the homemade kludginess of the Beowulf is showing. Rather than fight a long battle to keep it road-worthy; which we really lack the skills, tools, and funds to do right; we've decided to take the plunge and buy a real trailer.

We're getting an Outbound Extreme Standard Model. Scroll down a little to see the model. Ours is the base white with black trim. We did go for a few necessary options (which you can see on the Order page.)

Exterior Options
100 Watt Solar Panel, 30-Amp LCD Display Solar Charge Controller with Battery Temperature Sensor.
15" Spare Trailer Tire
Front Cargo Rack
Front Diamond Plate
Rear Support Jacks

Interior Options
Roof Fan, 3 Speed
Memory Foam Mattress
Front Storage Cubbies
Electric Package (basically a surge protector power strip with USB ports mounted inside the trailer.)

We'll need to pick up a new marine battery, battery box, trailer lock, and a few other things. If you're in Northern California and want a trailer that is in decent shape but needs some work, contact me or Kirsten for details. We'll throw in the solar power panels we've been using.

Also, I am determined to spend the time to make Sideways Solutions work. So I have a schedule to make sure that when NaNoWriMo kicks off on November 1st, I will have everything ready to roll. The total word count goal for the 1st draft is 90,000 words. Expect to see a lot of drabbles and ficlets in this space, and folks, I need your feedback. Not just "that's cool!" but tell me what works, and where I'm weak. I'm a former infantryman, I can take harsh criticism!

The only other big thing on the schedule for the year is we have vouchers for a couple of San Francisco Giants' games, and in September, the long-delayed Rammstein show in LA may finally happen. Crossed fingers.

Hell, crossing my fingers for all of this! Happy New Year!

We're closing this out at the end of November. Things are looking so much better, with a lot of the thanks going to all of you. So, one last time, please, give if you can and share this campaign. Thank you!

20-20 in 2021: Help Doug See Again