gridlore: One of the "Madagascar" penguins with a checklist: [x] cute [x] cuddly [x] psychotic (Penguin - Checklist)
I will occasionally answer a spam call by accident. Since 90% of them are robots, I just hang up. Today, it was a person, and I was bored.

Spammer: (the moment I say Hello) "I'm calling from the law firm of Identity, Theft, and Fraud about your recent accident. We want you to know that you are in line to get handsome compensation in damages.

Me: "Oh, that's wonderful! It was really terrible, you know."

Spammer: "I just need a few details, like your name . . ."

Me: (cutting him off) "I mean there we were just driving down the road, and we get hit by a train! Who knew those tracks were active? But anyway, our truck was totaled and we both died. I want to sue somebody!"

Spammer: ". . . died?"

Me: "Oh yeah, torn to bits. Luckily my big sister is a necromancer and was able to raise us both. Of course, now we have to avoid direct sunlight, can't enter holy ground, and feed off the flesh of the living, but at least we have our health, am I right?

Spammer: "If I could get your name, sir . . ."

Me: "I'm not comfortable doing this over the phone. If I give you my address could you send a representative over? Preferably one who works out, has a low body fat level, and no close relatives?"

Spammer: *click*
gridlore: (Burning_Man)
Conversation at Offhand Manor last night while watching old Law&Order episodes:

Me: "OK, step one, win the lottery."

Kiri: "And then?"

Me: "We build a big teddy bear on the Playa, and inside there are hammocks with bears in them so people can climb in and have a cuddle."

Kiri: "That's awesome!"

Me: "Then we set it on fire."

Kiri: "At the end of the week, right?"

Me: ". . . I suppose that would work as well."
gridlore: One of the "Madagascar" penguins with a checklist: [x] cute [x] cuddly [x] psychotic (Penguin - Checklist)

She is so going to kill me. :)
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Me - Glare of Sarcasm)
Kirsten is making chicken for her dinners this week.

[personal profile] kshandra: "Why does the chicken suddenly smell like pot?"

Me: "Because.. dude, chicken.. wait! That's where I hid my stash!"

[personal profile] kshandra: "So it's a really baked chicken?"
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Norton)
As the Great Sale 2 grinds on, we've encountered a marvelous bit of serendipity. A local bought some of the stuff for $100. He said he'd be by today to drop off the cash. Last night, my bosses brought in 2 32" flat screen TVs. They're remodeling their home, and don't need them. Price? $100. My fellow dispatcher and I both jumped on that. So our new much bigger TV is currently in Kiri's car waiting for me to get home to offload it.

Does put off the bike goal, but at this point it looks like most of our money is going to getting my bloody computer fixed anyway.
gridlore: A pile of a dozen hardback books (Books)
About a hundred bucks worth of John Scalzi books were delivered to me today. From Tor, in New York. One is autographed.

I have no fucking clue how this happened. I didn't order tham, and I certainly don't remember entering (or winning) any contests...

But I'm not complaining (grabs Your Hate Mail Will Be Graded off the pile.)
gridlore: One of the "Madagascar" penguins with a checklist: [x] cute [x] cuddly [x] psychotic (Penguin - Checklist)

Take a week, and drive across the country. Sounds good to me.
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Me - Glare of Sarcasm)
A question, my dear readers. Say you needed to know the long-term parking rates at an airport. Would you...

  1. ... look up the airport online, check the website, and call the airport if you can't find the rates there? or..

  2. ... randomly call limo services on the theory we go to said airport daily and must know.

If your answer was 2, then know that you got a laugh from our office today. The best part is we pay the carriage fee at the airport, and our cars never get close to long-term parking. We're sort of the alternative to going to the airport and parking your car for a week, y'know? We're in and out as fast as possible to increase revenue.

Best part? When I gently suggested the airport website, the person on the other end sounded amazed at the concept.

Oh, and by the way? $15/day. Took me five seconds to find.
gridlore: The word Giants over a baseball (Baseball - SF Giants)
I really would love to know the odds of this occurring.

When our drivers pick someone up at the airport, they stand in the appointed place (baggage claim or near the entrance to baggage claim) with a sign saying "Classic Limousine welcomes $PASSENGER_NAME". 9 times out of 10, the passenger sees the sign, walks up , and driver and passenger gather luggage and go to the car, no trouble.

Tonight, two men with identical names came off the same flight and both had reservations with limo services. It wasn't even a common spelling of the first name. Of course, since Murphy loves us, they both went to the wrong driver. Hijinks ensued. Luckily, the drivers were able to sort it out and everyone was laughing about it, but really what are the odds?

Now I get two days off. Thursday I may be up at AT&T Park for the filming of a Giants commercial. Woo!
gridlore: A Roman 20 sided die, made from green stone (Gaming - Roman d20)
Is a classic RPG dungeon crawl where the characters are forced to follow a set plot with no chance to diverge an Underground Railroad?
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Goth)
"Burn, ill-luck!"
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (US Flag)
Everyone remember this?

I want to film people all over the country singing this, with the final being as many people as we can fit on the Capitol steps. Get people from all over. Farmers, cowboys, factory workers, trainees at Fort Benning, a New York cop on traffic duty, cute kids.

I must make it happen.
gridlore: One of the "Madagascar" penguins with a checklist: [x] cute [x] cuddly [x] psychotic (Penguin - Checklist)
The Great Gazoo is part of the Q Continuum.

gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Gordon is not impressed)

Gordon Ramsay dwarf porn lookalike eaten by badgers

gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Baseball - Giants animation)
It's Star Wars Day at AT&T Park. Tons of people in costume. Looking at the pictures, I came up with what I'd need to do (assuming I had won the lottery at some point.)

Six stormtroopers with the Dodgers logo across their chests. Darth Vader in Dodger Blue with the "LA" logo on his helmet. And the crowning touch, Emperor Palpatine in a dark blue and white robe with LASORDA and a big 2 written across his back.

We'd be booed without mercy, and it would be awesome.
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Gadsen)
Had to call EDD about my disability check.. it's supposed to pay twice a month, but there has been fuckery. So, [ profile] kshandra zots me the correct page, since she's been there more recently than I, and I call.

Get the usual "For information in English, Press one. Para informaciĆ³n en espaƱol, por favor, pulse dos." I press one. Where I am immediately told, in English about the toll-free line for Spanish speakers.

Amused me as well.
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Penguin - Stealing Sanity)
I just checked the mail. I am now laughing so hard my teeth may fly out.

As many of you may recall, back in February we registered Darby as non-operational due both my inability to live and our being way broke at the time. When Kirsten filed the renewal, there was some confusion over the insurance; but it was finally determined that a non-operational vehicle didn't need to be covered. Darby sat, being started occasional to keep the fluids moving and the engine alive, until we got the funds together to get me back on the road. Again, when Kiri filed the paperwork at AAA's DMV counter, she took care of the insurance at the same time. I'm legal again, and enjoying life behind the wheel.

Well, today there were two pieces of mail from the fine folks at Dullards, Morons, and Vagabonds. Each was addressed to both of us, because we're both listed as owners. Open the first:


Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? I know for a fact we restarted the insurance on Darby, I have the bloody insurance cards in the truck! I start imagining another ordeal with the DMV and having to scrap our two-car plan for Reno. Muttering about the bureaucrats of the City of Dis, I open the second envelope expecting a duplicate form for the other owner. Instead I see:


I looked. Both letters were generated on August 4th. Oddly, both were mailed on August 10.

This is your government at work. Hail Eris!
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Me - Glare of Sarcasm)
Sign at my local recyclers. This is the same place that has an annual Tet celebration, so that might explain the wording. They're fast, courteous, and professional, so I'll let this pass.

Ominous warning or Bad English?
gridlore: One of the "Madagascar" penguins with a checklist: [x] cute [x] cuddly [x] psychotic (Penguin - Checklist)
Submitted my ballot for the Hugo Awards.

Which means that if all my choices don't win it's obviously because the committee that controls the nominations is ignoring the will of the fans! This elite group (which makes scads of money off the Hugos) are destroying fandom! The are diluting our precious bodily fluids! Soylent Green is fans who are Slans

Is the SCI-FI CHANNEL trying to put themselves out of business?? !

(This post will make [ profile] kevin_standlee either laugh or weep. Bets, anyone?)
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (San Francisco - GG Bridge)
Over on Yahoo!Answers, someone asked what the homosexual agenda was. I answered.

0630: Wake up, shower.

0700-0800: Gym, then breakfast at the Juice Bar. Sign up for the marathon training group.

0830-1130: Work from home, address the continuing problem in the server architecture. Consider script allowing me to beat people over the net.

1200-1330: Lunch, then hit Whole Foods to shop for dinner with Mike and Andy. Vegetarian Lasagna? Andy will still be a bitchy Vegan. Tempted to buy steak.

1400-1600: Overthrow the moral underpinnings of Western Civilization. Destroy the family as a social unit, subvert nation's children ensuring our extinction. Laugh as the world's cities burn in endless riots caused by the end of all moral restraint. Check Craigslist for new office chair.

1630-1700: Haircut and facial. Hopefully Armando is available. Complete fairy, but a genius with scissors.

1900: Dinner. If David tells that story about the duck again, he's sleeping on the couch.

Pity I'm straight/asexual.. I'm so good at being gay otherwise.


gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Default)

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