More moody introspection. You have been warned.

Health issues aside, I'm where I am in my life through my choices. I chose to blow off school. I chose to join the Army in a job with no direct civilian applications. I made the decision to do drugs, work dead-end jobs, and live only for the moment. I blame no one but myself. I can't even point my finger too seriously at my health. Yes, the cancer dumped me into a hole that I only just left behind; and I certainly still have health problems, but I cannot blame them for where I am right now.

Part of this is my frustration with the current situation. I'm sure I'll feel better once I'm back to work. But right now, I'm confronted by the reality of the lives kshandra and I lead, and I'm not happy. We've never had a real vacation. Hell, we've rarely had more than four months at a time without some sort of financial crisis. The only reason I've made the last few Baycons is because I've been a guest, and that's starting to gnaw on me because I haven't published anything recently.

This morning we caught the end of a travel show about Venice on KQED. I'd love to go there, even if most of the foodie goodness would be lost on me. I've dreamed of walking the beaches of Normandy, seeing the Bayreuth Festival, and (being a gaming geek) retracing the steps of the first four Twilight: 2000 adventures. Hell, I'd be happy just to make it to the Montreal Worldcon in 2009. I'd also love to show Kirsten some of the places I saw in the Army.

Part of the problem was we've been pretty much drifting without a rudder for years. Part of this can be blamed on my health; it's pretty hard to plan for the future when you don't know if you're going to be able to work next week, or next year, or ever again. I thought we were past that. Ha. If we had slightly more financial stability I'd go back to school and get an AA in some kind of office management thing. I have close to 15 years in the transportation industry as a driver and dispatcher.. I just need a piece of paper to get a management gig.

Assuming that I get back to work soon, Kiri has agreed to skip next year's Burning Man so we can go somewhere. Las Vegas for a week. A cruise. Anything but a science-fiction convention. Being the son of a travel agent, I know we need to book before the end of the year to get anything good. Oh, I'm going through an agent. They know the ins and outs, and can steer you to the best places. I might even go back to Travel Advisors. (I'm very amused by the fact that they have a website. My father would not approve.)

sigh We really need to win the lottery.

Hmmmm... West Valley College offers an Administrative Management course that you can take online.