Hold onto to your tinfoil hats!

Another great rant from the wilds of Usenet!

This one has it all! Paranoia! Obscenity! RANDOM odd Capitalization of wORDS!

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Too good not to share...

What if Bush had run against Jesus?

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Seven!

Bonds wins record seventh MVP Award

Barry Bonds won his record seventh NL MVP award in a walk.

Capping a season of suspicion and success, the San Francisco Giants left fielder became the oldest player to win the award. The 40-year-old received 24 first-place votes and 407 points Monday in balloting by the Baseball Writers' Association of America to earn the award for the fourth straight season.

Los Angeles third baseman Adrian Beltre was second, getting six first-place votes and 311 points, and St. Louis first baseman Albert Pujols was third with one first and 247 points. St. Louis third baseman Scott Rolen got the other first-place vote and finished fourth, followed by teammate Jim Edmonds.

Can we please get some support for this guy? A .350 hitter behind Bonds would give us an unstoppable offense. We have a solid starting rotation, and just need a dedicated closer.

Three months, more or less, until spring training!

Yes, the season is over, and I'm still posting about baseball..

Deal with it.

The Giants have signed veteran shortstop Omar Vizquel to a three-year deal.

OK, nine Gold Gloves. Excellent. He should really shore up our defense. One year removed from two surgeries on his right knee, the switch hitter batted .291 in 148 games for the Indians. He also stole 19 bases, which would have led the Giants by nine in 2004, and committed one error over his last 81 games. He will carry a 55-game errorless streak into Opening Day.

In fact, Vizquel's .983 fielding percentage is the best in major-league history among shortstops who have played more than 1,000 games at the position. That stat can be misleading because of favorable hometown scoring, but those who have watched Vizquel play over 16 big-league seasons with the Mariners and Indians know he has lived up to that number.

ESPN on Vizquel

The question is where do we put him? Lead-off batter? With that kind of speed, we don't want him batting behind the notoriously pokey JT Snow. And we still need a strong bat to protect Bonds. I'd love to see the Giants acquire J.D. Drew. That would solve our problem in right field and put a good bat in the five slot (.305/31HR/93RBI)

Looking at the moves we're making, I think the Giants are going for "win it all now before Bonds retires" mode. There are strengths and weknesses to this approach. The upside is a parade down Market St next October. The downside is a championship team that is old and fading away quickly.

Why Rodents Can't Be Trusted, number 975 in a series.

Beavers find stolen cash and weave bills into a dam

These eager beavers had a whole new slant on money laundering.

A bag of bills stolen from a casino was snapped up by beavers who wove thousands of dollars in soggy currency into the sticks and brush of their dam on a creek in eastern Louisiana.

"They hadn't torn the bills up. They were still whole," said Maj. Michael Martin of the East Feliciana Parish sheriff's office.

Pretty darn clever. Hiding the bills in the dam until the heat was off, and then those beavers would be on their way to some Caribbean banking haven. After that it would be rum and watching underpaid local rats build the damn dams for them.

Rodents. Can't trust them.