How's this for an opening?

[gridlore]

"This close to the Melt common caution gave way to paranoia. The prospector bus crept forward, pausing every meter to lash the ground with sensors, looking for weakness and hot spots. Other sensors monitored the atmosphere looking for disturbances that might indicate potential disaster for the crew. Over and over, the bulky bus repeated the maneuver, inching forward on its six wide tracks, pausing, then lurching into motion again. Had there been any living being on the surface of Surtur, they might have thought that the thing on the valley floor was dying."

Comments

[notthebuddha.livejournal.com]

I think the first sentence could go to the end of the line or be dropped entirely, but I'm hesitant to rewrite Doug's story for him.

[robertprior.livejournal.com]

I think you need the sentence, as clearly "the Melt" is what's important here — the reason for paranoia.