My truck can eat your truck and shit rivets.

[gridlore]

One thing you see a lot of while watching televised sports is ads for trucks. Each ad tries to out macho the other, showing grimy sweaty men doing grimy sweaty things that in a gay porn would result in back rubs and grimy sweaty man sex.

But I digress.

I'm always amused by these ads because the truck I drive everyday is everything these guys have wet dreams over, but they can't spend $65,000 on a 34-foot flatbed. So, for your shopping assistance, here is Doug's guide to Real Trucks.

1. Real Trucks burn diesel.


2. Real Trucks refuel at places that don't have shops attached.


3. Real Trucks stop at the scales.


4. Real Trucks get pulled in for inspection on a regular basis.


5. Real Trucks have air brakes.


6. Real Trucks have back up alarms.


7. Real Trucks take up five parking spaces.


8. Real Trucks don't fit in the drive through.


9. Real Trucks have at least four mirrors, and still have blind spots you can lose an Escalade in.


10. Real Trucks are "Exempt" or "Apportioned".


11. Real Trucks convoy because they have to stay to the right by law.


12. Real Trucks carry a breaker bar.


13. Real Trucks have hoods that open forwards


14. Real Trucks are frequently seen parked next to portable toilets.

Unless the truck you are looking at meets these requirements, either pass it by and head for your local International or Hino dealer or admit that your truck is not overly macho and Real Trucks (and their drivers) will think of you as just another pinball.

Happy to help.

I really need an icon that shows me with my current truck.

Comments

[bunyip.livejournal.com]

Great list :D