The Olympic Test.

[gridlore]

I've been sort of half-watching the Olympics. The problem is there are too many weird sports that don't belong there.

So at work yesterday, I devised the true test of an Olympic sport - would the Spartans do it? If you can picture the toughest Greeks of them all participating in an event, it stays.. if not, it goes.



Aquatics: The Swimming and Water polo events are in, Diving and Synchronised Swimming are out.

Archery: In, all events.

Athletics:These events are the core of the Olympics, and are all in. Except for road walk, which is silly.

Badminton: Very silly, and out.

Baseball: As much as I love the game, I can't piucture a Spartan taking a 3-1 pitch. Gone.

Basketball: On the other hand, Spartans would love jamming the lane. In

Boxing: Duh. Spartans practically invented the sport. In.

Canoeing: I can see Spartans doing this. These events stay.

Cycling: It takes guts to race cycles, so it stays.

Equestrian: The horsey events originate with the training of horses for war, so the Spartans like these events. They stay.

Fencing: Another no-brainer. Spartans love sword play.

Football: I'd love to see the Sparta - Athens match. It's in.

Gymnastics: Gone. It may have been a sport once, but real Spartans don't bounce on trampolines. Get rid of the rythmic stuff, and the bloody trampoline, and we'll talk.

Handball: Having watched Olympic handball, I can say the Spartans would have appreciated the violence. It's in.

Hockey: Or, in this case, Field Hockey. Rough, violent, and often involves blood. It stays.

Judo: Very in. Martial Arts are what the Spartans are all about.

Modern Pentathlon: Absolutely. This is by far the most martial of the modern Olympic sports.

Rowing: In

Sailing: Not really. Gone.

Shooting: To quote the Aussies.. "aw, yeah!"

Softball: Gone.

Table Tennis: Gone!

Taekwondo: More hiting. So it is in.

Tennis: Any sport that uses the word "love" is non-Spartan, and gone.

Triathlon: This is the kind of athletic masochism that the old Spartans loved. It stays.

Volleyball: Regular Volleyball stays, beach vollyball goes.

Weightlifting: Stays.

Wrestling: Originial Greek sport, so it stays.

There, if people would listen to me, the Olympics would rock.

I have a similar test for the Winter olympics.. The Viking Test.

Comments

[bunyip.livejournal.com]

Come on, spill the Viking Test.

I know the biathlon will still be in. :)

[gridlore.livejournal.com]

Look for the complete test in two years. :)

Short form, would a Viking do it? Would a Viking *watxch* it?

Luge? Damn right!

Ice Dancing? Gods no!

[bunyip.livejournal.com]

True. :)

But I was hoping for now. :)

[cmdr-zoom.livejournal.com]

Works for me. Both concepts.

[jackwalker.livejournal.com]

Oh, well, then we just have to put individual and choral singing, plus musical instrument performance, back into the Games.

Of course, we also get pankration back, so the gore quotient stays up . . .

[autographedcat.livejournal.com]

Actually, sailing stays, for much the same reason as equestrian, I think. If you don't keep up your ship smarts, boy, I swear those Phoenicians will end you.

[gridlore.livejournal.com]

OK, but only if we sail triremes.

[jackwalker.livejournal.com]

Of course, the Spartans were lousy sailors.

You could add the "or would the Athenians do it?" test, of course.

Okay, I'll stop being a pedant now. (Although you should know better than to open discussions like this with a Hellenophile around . . . )

[rboleyn.livejournal.com]

The Spartans weren't lousy sailors by the end of the Pellopenesian War.

[jackwalker.livejournal.com]

The Spartans weren't lousy sailors by the end of the Peloponnesian War.

Oh, yes they were. What they had was access to lots and lots of Persian gold with which to hire mercenary sailors.

Of course, the Spartans did produce one brilliant admiral . . .

[gridlore.livejournal.com]

The Athenians don't get a say. Spartans only. Otherwise long-winded debate and bad plays would become Olympic events.

I'm also keeping it Spartan only becuase I like to think what they'd do to Bob Costas and Katie Couric.

[autographedcat.livejournal.com]

I think that would make the whole event more interesting anyway. :)

[johno.livejournal.com]

beach volleyball goes.

I do believe the Spartans (and for sure the Athenians) would love sitting back and watching the tightest of tight butts in motion. No matter where they prefer to dock their boats.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Diving is macho. It stays. Sorry. :-)

[gridlore.livejournal.com]

OK, but ssynchronized diving is out.

[damienps.livejournal.com]

Archery get rid of the machines to throw knitting needles. And give them long bows without sights and balance weights.

[shadowcat48li.livejournal.com]

Archery has to stay of course, but no funky compound bows...

Wales and Mongolia and Iran could field traditional teams