The other candidates.

First off, let us salute George Schwartzman, who, with 86% of the vote counted, has swept his immediate friends with 10 total votes to be the next Governor of the great state of California. Tough luck George.

Robert "Butch" Dole of Milpitas managed to gather 221 votes from confused people and Viagra users.

He may be the King of Pop, but Michael Jackson isn't the King of California with 653 votes. Hmmm... looks like The Gloved One has had more plastic surgery.

Congrats to Leonard Padilla, self-described Law School President and Bounty Hunter. 1,130 votes.

Richard Simmons collected 1,185 votes from people amused at the thought of the other Richard Simmons giving the State of the State address.

Angelyne got 2,228 votes from allegedly competent adults. Sorry, there is no way to improve on that. Just sit back, swig pure grain alcohol for a while, and try to get into the mindset that would cause you vote for Angelyne.

Badi Badiozamani got 2,884 votes as the only candidate with a name harder to spell than Schwartzeng.. Schwaering.. Arnie's. Sad thing is, he looks pretty qualified.

4,742 otherwise competent Californians decided that Leo Gallagher deserved to be governor. Drape the Capitol in plastic sheeting, quick!

Blast from the Very Recent Past Bill Simon, who actually managed to lose to Gov. Davis last year, got the same 6,734 campaign workers to vote for him that he did last November.

Mary Cook got 9,716 votes. It might have been more, but the ballots were stuck together.

And so we come to everybody's favorite in this insane campaign, Gary Coleman. 12,443 Nick at Night fanatics actually ventured forth into the sun to vote for the former child star and security guard.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we come to the best part of this whole, sad affair. 15,010 of my fellow Californians had the courage, foresight, and sick senses of humor to back Larry Flynt! Democracy lives when Larry Flynt can get this many votes.

We've entered the realm of the people who took this seriously, but there is one more dig I just can't resist. The 18,416 people who voted for Peter Ueberroth, even though he had dropped out of the race, thought they were voting to make him the Commissioner of Baseball again. Come back Pete, we need you!

Whew. So that's it then. Note that these results are not final. But I think that George Schwartzman got ripped off.

LOL!

And the bashing begins...

http://www.sfgate.com/comics/fiore/

Screw the Chronicle

Since moving down here, the delivery price for the Chronicle nearly tripled. So, at Kirsten's suggestion, I cancelled the subscription.

Then the calls began.

Special offer this! 20% off! 50% off! Sundays free!

What part of I cannot afford to pay for the newspaper when food is a dicey proposition most weeks is not getting through to these clowns? The one I just had is a classic. I swear on a stack of Traveller books that I started out polite as could be explaining that with my current situation, there was no way to afford home delivery. Then, ignoring what I had said, she started with the specials. "Look," I cried in frustration "I've been out of work for well over a year. I've cancelled the cable, I can't afford meat more than one day in three, and I simply cannot afford to have some jerk decide to lose my paper every few days! I already read most of the news on the free SFGate site anyway."

I swear, this is exactly what she said to me. "So Douglas, you can afford the net but not the newspaper?"

The phone came down on the cradle with considerably less force than I really wanted to give it. Smashing the farking thing to bloody bits would have felt good.

To begin with, where the hell does she get off calling me Douglas? I don't know her. Mr. Berry or Sir will do nicely if you want to sell me something. Secondly, the net connection gives me immeasurable benefits, available 24 hours a day, over a newspaper delivered once in the morning. This is my connection to my friends. And the net costs less that the newspaper!

So, when I am gainfully employed, I will not be resuming my service with the San Francisco Chronicle. They just lost one of the last of a dying breed, people who prefer newspapers to news on palms or computer screens. I shall take great glee in composing the letter to the Chronicle telling them this.

Hell, maybe they'll give me six free months.

The Baseball Gods have mustered,

and we are approaching Baseball Rangarok..

ALCS Game One

Boston Red Sox: 5
New York Yankees: 2

Boston leads the best of seven series 1-0 It should be pointed out that this game was played in Yankee Stadium. I have to wonder how quiet it got in there at the end of a three-hit stranglehold by the BoSox pitchers.

NLCS Game Two

Chicago Cubs: 12
Florida Marlins: 3

Series tied, 1-1

lysana and bunyip are very happy people tonight.