I went for a swim today..

.... I walked to Oakridge Mall. Great Ghu, who moved Georgia's weather to California? 78% humidity and temps over 80 at this point! Bleah! If you ho,d still long enough, you use up all the oxygen around your head. I want my thunderstorm damnit!

The reason I walked through the liquid air was to double check on some applications I dropped off. I'm convinced that the universe is determined that I'm going to work at Hot Topic. They are the only one that I checked that are hiring. Ce la Goth!

Now I'm just trying to get through to the SSA people to order my form for appealing my disability decision, since those idiots at Guardian never bothered to send me the packet or return my calls. Fuck 'em.

Oh, last night Barry Bonds broke a window across the street from Wrigley Field during batting practice. 520 feet. Amazing.

OK, this is weak

Yesterday, I got a royalty check from SJG.. $42 bucks. Now by long agreement, my writing money is mine. It is not communal money, I can use it for anything I want. While swimming about today, I cashed the check. Forty-two bucks is the most money I've had in my wallet for some time.

So I ask Kiri to take me to the store.. I was thinking the makings for chocolate shakes. We get dinner first, I have Subway, Kiri has a burrito. Then we go to the store.

Where I wimp out. I bought several sensible things, like bread and more Gatorade, but when it came time to buy myself a treat I just could not do it! I looked at several things, and then kept telling myself that I shouldn't, that I didn't need it, that I could spend the money on something sensible.. Finally I made myself pick up a box of cupcakes and nearly ran to the checkout so I wouldn't put them back down. All the way, I felt guilty! Even though this was my money to waste as I saw fit.

I've forgotten how to treat myself. I will dither in bookstores, gaming stores, everyplace even when I have the disposable income.. I just feel guilty about spending! I've gotten too good at being poor. If we were to win the lottery, I'd be a terrible rich person.