COVID-19 and Me

[gridlore]

Sometime in the very near future, kshandra and I will sit down with Legal Zoom and make out my will, along with a durable power of attorney and - after a long discussion - my end of life instructions. Because I am in the 10-ring for COVID fatalities. I'm over 50, have a poor immune system, and have a long history of respiratory issues. This IS the bullet with my name on it.

Don't worry, I'm not sick. The worst I'm dealing with is sinus irritation from pollen and my guts attempting to summon demons. At least that what it sounds like most days. But I have to face the hard facts. Surviving Stage IV-B Hodgkin's Lymphoma is all well and good, but that can and the fight leaves you badly listing and taking on water. Way back when, just around the time I finished chemotherapy, Kirsten was told I could expect to live 20 years, then people like me start falling prey to other cancers, organ failure, and infections. So we should have done this years ago, especially after my stroke, but you know, whistling past the graveyard and all that.

It's not like I have a complex estate to deal with. No home or real property. Kirsten gets it all, except for the gaming stuff, which will be handed off to various nieces (my ultimate revenge on my younger sister for cutting me out of her life: dumping all my D&D books on the Niece of Last Resort!) If they don't want it, donate it or sell it. The same goes for the books she doesn't want, most of them will go to the Santa Clara Library for either loan or to be sold in the bookstore or the regular book sales.

As for my body? Dump this damn thing in a ditch somewhere. I'll be done with it, traitorous bag of meat!

The really hard part is going to be crafting my end of life wishes. Obviously, if I'm in a vegetative state (more than usual) and being kept alive by machines, frag me. I've already departed to have some stern words with the Manager over Game 6 of the 2002 World Series. If there's still brain activity going on at a deep level, the question is how likely is a recovery, and how far will I come back? I mean, I'd accept spending my last year bedridden and blind so long as I could enjoy music and baseball on the radio, and be able to somehow communicate that I was still there and wanted to throttle our closer. The same goes for still being able to read if all I have left is sight. Take everything away, and I'll show myself out.

Here's hoping these documents won't be needed anytime soon, but at this point, we can't put it off anymore.

Comments

[ranunculus]

Whew, as a partner of a person who survived Stage IV Hodgkins close to 20 years ago, this is hard to read. OTOH like you it is better to face these things before they happen. I really, really hope you stay safe.
Oh, I'm a regular reader of Kshandra.

[claidheamhmor]

It's chilling having to consider doing that. :( Stay safe.

[kevin_standlee]

I know it's hard to have these discussions, but it's good to do so as well. I had them with my sister (to my left in the icon photo) and we put them in writing, although annoyingly, California regulations about durable medical powers of attorney for people in nursing homes meant that we never formally concluded it. However, when the doctors called me while I was in Dublin — and am I glad I got a Irish "burner" phone and changed my US number's greeting to tell people what it would be so they could reach me ‐ they weren't concerned about the technicalities. Everyone involved agreed that Kelli had given me the decision, and that she and I had talked it over. So when the time came, I was the one who had to say, "keep her from suffering," and she died a few days later. It's not easy, but it's less difficult when you've had the conversations before the crisis comes.

[feyandstrange]

Ugh, remind me I gotta do something about That Crap soon. Which is hard, because I don't have a partner or an heir handy, and I don't know what to do with all this stuff (and haven't even sorted out MOm's estate yet, so clearly now would be a terrible time to die, the roomie would be so screwed). I wonder if there's a way to pre-hire an executor like you can pre-pay a burial plan?