Meet the New Year, same as the Old Year...
Jan. 1st, 2018 02:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gridloreWell, this is 2018. The world hasn't changed much, I see, and the same problems that plagued us on the last day of 2017 are still here as we all shake off our collective holiday hangovers and face the new year.
We did end up staying up until midnight last night. A combination of a "Thin Man" movie marathon on Turner Classic Movies and far too much soda left me awake as the local artillery barrage went off. We were watching KRON, who had a live shot of the Embracadero in San Francisco (and it was a beautifully clear night, that you, Karl the Fog, for taking the night off) and as they kept talking the fireworks began. A quick message from the director confirmed that we were all ten seconds into the new year.
We even ended the year with something new. Kirsten has been doing amazing work managing her diabetes, and that means controlling carbs. Last night we tried pizza with a cauliflower crust. We could not tell the difference. Attention pizza places: first to offer this as an option gets our business from now on!
All in all, 2017 was a good year for me. I avoided both the ER and any hospital stays. I finally got the nerve to ask for help with my depression. And boy, was that a revelation. Not only am I severely depressed, says my doctor, I also show clear signs of a somatic symptoms disorder, PTSD, ADHD-PI, anxiety disorder, and borderline personality formation with masochistic style.
That last one is about my tendency to really be down on myself and minimize my achievements and feel like I'm not worth much. I have a lot to work through. But I'm doing it and will be seeing an NP therapist soon along with my psychologist. There may be happy drugs in my future. Whatever it takes.
But yeah, 2017 was not terrible for me, personally. We made it to BayCon and had a great time. The Free Trailer Beowulf performed like a start on the Burning Man trip, and my writing, while erratic, was there. Kirsten and I celebrated 26 years of marriage in May. We started walking more.
I'm deliberately ignoring the bigger picture of the last year to focus on my personal experience. Which is something I need to do more for my mental health.
There were some downsides, of course. My Xbox died, and we don't have the money to replace it. My little sister continues to demand that I have zero contact with her and her family for reasons that have never been explained to me. The Giants had a terrible season and the Dodgers made it to the World Series, where they lost to the Astros, thank the Gods of Baseball. But with everything considered, this was a better year than many I've had.
This morning we made our third pilgrimage in as many days to work on the trailer. Nothing too much this time, Just some fine-tuning of what had gone before. We're all ready now for the next steps in Burn preparation. Or an overnight camping trip, if we happen to feel like it. Just accomplishing things feels good.
I haven't made New Year's resolutions, instead, I've set goals. Write here at 750 Words every day and try to keep raising my word count. Eat three times a day, even if my midday meal is just some chips and salsa. Keep working to get me back up to my goal weight of 160lbs. Get into a face-to-face roleplaying game. Socialize with people more often. Take more risks. Get better.
Because Halford knows I am going to have plenty of chances. I've signed up for Santa Clara's Citizen's Police Academy. We have Baycon in March, Playa preparation work in July, then in August, we are both volunteering that the 76th World Science Fiction Convention here in San Jose. I'm working in publications, Kirsten in Fan Lounge. If working a WorldCon isn't crazy enough, we have a three-day turnaround before getting on the road for Burning Man.
Oh, and I've also agreed to co-edit and write for an issue of the Hugo Award-winning fanzine The Drink Tank about horror in heavy metal music. Plus my own writing projects. Then there's the fact that we're planning on completely new bedroom furniture with the tax refund. Hail IKEA, full of stuff!
The key is to have a plan and stay focused on the immediate goal. I have to learn to recognize when I'm spiraling into a dark place and pull out. That's a skill I need to learn.
2018? Bring it on!
We did end up staying up until midnight last night. A combination of a "Thin Man" movie marathon on Turner Classic Movies and far too much soda left me awake as the local artillery barrage went off. We were watching KRON, who had a live shot of the Embracadero in San Francisco (and it was a beautifully clear night, that you, Karl the Fog, for taking the night off) and as they kept talking the fireworks began. A quick message from the director confirmed that we were all ten seconds into the new year.
We even ended the year with something new. Kirsten has been doing amazing work managing her diabetes, and that means controlling carbs. Last night we tried pizza with a cauliflower crust. We could not tell the difference. Attention pizza places: first to offer this as an option gets our business from now on!
All in all, 2017 was a good year for me. I avoided both the ER and any hospital stays. I finally got the nerve to ask for help with my depression. And boy, was that a revelation. Not only am I severely depressed, says my doctor, I also show clear signs of a somatic symptoms disorder, PTSD, ADHD-PI, anxiety disorder, and borderline personality formation with masochistic style.
That last one is about my tendency to really be down on myself and minimize my achievements and feel like I'm not worth much. I have a lot to work through. But I'm doing it and will be seeing an NP therapist soon along with my psychologist. There may be happy drugs in my future. Whatever it takes.
But yeah, 2017 was not terrible for me, personally. We made it to BayCon and had a great time. The Free Trailer Beowulf performed like a start on the Burning Man trip, and my writing, while erratic, was there. Kirsten and I celebrated 26 years of marriage in May. We started walking more.
I'm deliberately ignoring the bigger picture of the last year to focus on my personal experience. Which is something I need to do more for my mental health.
There were some downsides, of course. My Xbox died, and we don't have the money to replace it. My little sister continues to demand that I have zero contact with her and her family for reasons that have never been explained to me. The Giants had a terrible season and the Dodgers made it to the World Series, where they lost to the Astros, thank the Gods of Baseball. But with everything considered, this was a better year than many I've had.
This morning we made our third pilgrimage in as many days to work on the trailer. Nothing too much this time, Just some fine-tuning of what had gone before. We're all ready now for the next steps in Burn preparation. Or an overnight camping trip, if we happen to feel like it. Just accomplishing things feels good.
I haven't made New Year's resolutions, instead, I've set goals. Write here at 750 Words every day and try to keep raising my word count. Eat three times a day, even if my midday meal is just some chips and salsa. Keep working to get me back up to my goal weight of 160lbs. Get into a face-to-face roleplaying game. Socialize with people more often. Take more risks. Get better.
Because Halford knows I am going to have plenty of chances. I've signed up for Santa Clara's Citizen's Police Academy. We have Baycon in March, Playa preparation work in July, then in August, we are both volunteering that the 76th World Science Fiction Convention here in San Jose. I'm working in publications, Kirsten in Fan Lounge. If working a WorldCon isn't crazy enough, we have a three-day turnaround before getting on the road for Burning Man.
Oh, and I've also agreed to co-edit and write for an issue of the Hugo Award-winning fanzine The Drink Tank about horror in heavy metal music. Plus my own writing projects. Then there's the fact that we're planning on completely new bedroom furniture with the tax refund. Hail IKEA, full of stuff!
The key is to have a plan and stay focused on the immediate goal. I have to learn to recognize when I'm spiraling into a dark place and pull out. That's a skill I need to learn.
2018? Bring it on!
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Date: 3 Jan 2018 02:58 (UTC)