Thirty Days in the Hole (in my head)
Sep. 1st, 2013 01:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gridloreSo, about a month ago I had a stroke.
Specifically I suffered a transient ischemic attack in my left parietal lobe. Despite being a TIA, the affected area was pretty large, about 4cm3.
Waking up in the hospital with no idea how you got there is one of the most disorientating, frightening things ever. Last thing I remembered was going to bed with an aching back from a strained muscle. Two days later I'm being told I had a stroke and the Giants still suck. Yes folks, the first thing I asked about once I was aware of the time that had passed was the Giants.
I'm not going to go into great deal about my time in the various hospitals and rehabs. Most of that stuff is pretty boring. However I will note that while I was still in the induced coma,kshandra couldn't come into the room. I don't know if I was smelling her, or recognizing her breathing and walking, but if she came close to my bed I began violently fighting the sedation. My mom, on the other hand, spent hours with me. She'd chat about sports, the family, news tidbits, all while massaging my arms and legs. She was there when they brought me up, and asked if I wanted her to call Kiri. My reply? "Yeah, she's going to wonder where I've been for two days."
You always get the best out of me when I'm heavily sedated.
So, along with the stroke, I had a seizure (which may have saved my life. Not only because it might have been what broke up the clot, but Kiri heard me fall off the bed and found me unresponsive seconds after the event.) For that, they gave me massive doses of Dilantin. Turns out I'm now highly allergic to that particular drug. Ended up with a rash covering 90% of my body. Felt like the worst sunburn ever. After the rash cleared, I began losing all my skin. Mostly done now, but for a while there I was peeling like an extra in a Hellraiser sequel.
Did my inpatient rehab at Mission Oaks in Los Gatos, where I'm also doing my outpatient work. Cannot praise the therapists there enough. They are compassionate, dedicated, and will push you to your limit, and then respect that limit. I'm doing outpatient at least through the end of September a couple of times a week.
What does it all mean for me?
I am the luckiest man on the face of the planet. Lou Gehrig has lost the title. Aside from dying, people who get strokes in the area I had mine can end up with varying degrees of hemiplegia. I have some numbness and impaired proprioception in my right arm and right lower leg. What this means is that the part of my brain that normally tracks where these limbs are is damaged. Unless I'm looking at my hand or leg, I can't accurately position that limb.
Here's a way to understand it. Look around, find something you can pick up with one hand that is not in your field of vision when looking at the computer. Look back at the screen, and pick that object up. I can't do that with my right hand. I usually miss by several inches. Normal brains log the position of the object and know where the limb is and how it is moving. Misplacing my right foot has almost caused several falls. I walk with a cane now, and am very careful about moving around.
The bigger problem is language/memory issues. Again, people who suffered similar stroke have had it much worse. People have come out illiterate, unable to speak, or unable to understand spoken language. Or all three. My reading speed has dropped, and I suffer from aphasia from time to time. Over all, I'm just slower. How much of this will come back is a big question mark.
The biggest blow has been our plans for London in 2014. Unless somebody wants to give us $50k to cover all the expenses, it is not happening. Of course, we may try for NASFIC in Detroit. I will be at Conjucture this October. I think we'll do "Honorary Penguin" ribbons for people who help me deal with things. Possibly doing Convolution, and we will road-trip for Spokane in 2015. I honestly don't think I'll be returning to work. I can't do any of the things I'm qualified to do.
So, that's the deal. Thanks to everyone for their continuing support. Kirsten has been an absolute Goddess through all of this. Treat her as such.
Specifically I suffered a transient ischemic attack in my left parietal lobe. Despite being a TIA, the affected area was pretty large, about 4cm3.
Waking up in the hospital with no idea how you got there is one of the most disorientating, frightening things ever. Last thing I remembered was going to bed with an aching back from a strained muscle. Two days later I'm being told I had a stroke and the Giants still suck. Yes folks, the first thing I asked about once I was aware of the time that had passed was the Giants.
I'm not going to go into great deal about my time in the various hospitals and rehabs. Most of that stuff is pretty boring. However I will note that while I was still in the induced coma,
kshandra couldn't come into the room. I don't know if I was smelling her, or recognizing her breathing and walking, but if she came close to my bed I began violently fighting the sedation. My mom, on the other hand, spent hours with me. She'd chat about sports, the family, news tidbits, all while massaging my arms and legs. She was there when they brought me up, and asked if I wanted her to call Kiri. My reply? "Yeah, she's going to wonder where I've been for two days."You always get the best out of me when I'm heavily sedated.
So, along with the stroke, I had a seizure (which may have saved my life. Not only because it might have been what broke up the clot, but Kiri heard me fall off the bed and found me unresponsive seconds after the event.) For that, they gave me massive doses of Dilantin. Turns out I'm now highly allergic to that particular drug. Ended up with a rash covering 90% of my body. Felt like the worst sunburn ever. After the rash cleared, I began losing all my skin. Mostly done now, but for a while there I was peeling like an extra in a Hellraiser sequel.
Did my inpatient rehab at Mission Oaks in Los Gatos, where I'm also doing my outpatient work. Cannot praise the therapists there enough. They are compassionate, dedicated, and will push you to your limit, and then respect that limit. I'm doing outpatient at least through the end of September a couple of times a week.
What does it all mean for me?
I am the luckiest man on the face of the planet. Lou Gehrig has lost the title. Aside from dying, people who get strokes in the area I had mine can end up with varying degrees of hemiplegia. I have some numbness and impaired proprioception in my right arm and right lower leg. What this means is that the part of my brain that normally tracks where these limbs are is damaged. Unless I'm looking at my hand or leg, I can't accurately position that limb.
Here's a way to understand it. Look around, find something you can pick up with one hand that is not in your field of vision when looking at the computer. Look back at the screen, and pick that object up. I can't do that with my right hand. I usually miss by several inches. Normal brains log the position of the object and know where the limb is and how it is moving. Misplacing my right foot has almost caused several falls. I walk with a cane now, and am very careful about moving around.
The bigger problem is language/memory issues. Again, people who suffered similar stroke have had it much worse. People have come out illiterate, unable to speak, or unable to understand spoken language. Or all three. My reading speed has dropped, and I suffer from aphasia from time to time. Over all, I'm just slower. How much of this will come back is a big question mark.
The biggest blow has been our plans for London in 2014. Unless somebody wants to give us $50k to cover all the expenses, it is not happening. Of course, we may try for NASFIC in Detroit. I will be at Conjucture this October. I think we'll do "Honorary Penguin" ribbons for people who help me deal with things. Possibly doing Convolution, and we will road-trip for Spokane in 2015. I honestly don't think I'll be returning to work. I can't do any of the things I'm qualified to do.
So, that's the deal. Thanks to everyone for their continuing support. Kirsten has been an absolute Goddess through all of this. Treat her as such.
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Date: 2 Sep 2013 07:46 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2 Sep 2013 10:39 (UTC)no subject
Date: 21 Sep 2013 05:19 (UTC)