DoD Christmas Postponed
Dec. 21st, 2002 09:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gridloreDoD's Twelve Days of Christmas - The President has authorized the Department
of Defense to assist Santa with the Twelve Days of Christmas. Status of
acquisitions follows:
Day 1- Partridge in a pear tree: The Army and Air Force are in the process
of deciding whose area of responsibility Day 1 falls under. Since the
partridge is a bird, the Air Force believes it should have the lead. The
Army, however, feels trees are part of the land component command's Area Of
Responsibility. After three months of discussion and repeated OpsDeps Tank
sessions, a $1M study has been commissioned to decide who should lead this
joint program.
Day 2 - Two turtle doves: Since doves are birds, the Air Force claims
responsibility. However, turtles are amphibious, so the Navy-Marine Corps
team feels it should take the lead. Initial studies have shown that Turtles
and doves may have interoperability problems. Terms of reference are being
coordinated for a four-year, $10M DARPA study.
Day 3 - Three French Hens: At State Department instigation, the Senate
Committee on Foreign Affairs has blocked off-shore purchase of hens, from
the French or anyone else. A $6M program is being developed to find an
acceptable domestic alternative.
Day 4 - Four Calling Birds: Source selection has been completed, with the
contract awarded to AT&T. However, the award is being challenged by a Small
disadvantaged business.
Day 5 - Five Golden Rings: No available rings meet MILSPEC for gold plating.
A three-year, $5M accelerated development program has been initiated.
Day 6 - Six Geese a-Laying: The six geese have been acquired. However, the
shells of their eggs seem to be very fragile. It might have been a mistake
to build the production facility on a nuclear waste dump at a former Air
Force base that was closed under BRAC.
Day 7 - Seven Swans a-Swimming: Fourteen swans have been killed trying to
get through the Navy SEAL training program. The program has been put on hold
while the training procedures are reviewed to determine why the washout rate
is so high.
Day 8 - Eight Maids a-Milking: The entire class of maids a milking training
program at Aberdeen is involved in a sexual harassment suit against the
Army. The program has been put on hold pending resolution of the lawsuit.
Day 9 - Nine Ladies Dancing: Recruitment of the ladies dancing has been
halted by a lawsuit from the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell Association." Members
claim they have a right to dance and wear women's clothing as long as
they're off duty.
Day 10 - Ten Lords a-Leaping: The ten lords have been abducted by
terrorists. Congress has approved $2M in funding to conduct a rescue
operation. Army Special Forces and a USMC MEU(SOC) are conducting a
"NEO-off" competition for the right to rescue.
Day 11 - Eleven Pipers Piping: The pipe contractor delivered the pipes on
time. However, he thought DoD wanted smoking pipes. DoD lost the claim Due
to defective specifications. A $22M dollar retrofit program is in process to
bring the pipes into spec.
Day 12 - Twelve Drummers Drumming: Due to cutbacks only six billets are
available for drumming drummers. DoD is in the process of coordinating an
RFP to obtain the six additional drummers by outsourcing; however, funds
will not be available until FY 05.
As a result of the above-mentioned programmatic delays, and due to a High
OPTEMPO that requires diversion of modernization funds to support current
readiness, Christmas is hereby postponed until further notice.
of Defense to assist Santa with the Twelve Days of Christmas. Status of
acquisitions follows:
Day 1- Partridge in a pear tree: The Army and Air Force are in the process
of deciding whose area of responsibility Day 1 falls under. Since the
partridge is a bird, the Air Force believes it should have the lead. The
Army, however, feels trees are part of the land component command's Area Of
Responsibility. After three months of discussion and repeated OpsDeps Tank
sessions, a $1M study has been commissioned to decide who should lead this
joint program.
Day 2 - Two turtle doves: Since doves are birds, the Air Force claims
responsibility. However, turtles are amphibious, so the Navy-Marine Corps
team feels it should take the lead. Initial studies have shown that Turtles
and doves may have interoperability problems. Terms of reference are being
coordinated for a four-year, $10M DARPA study.
Day 3 - Three French Hens: At State Department instigation, the Senate
Committee on Foreign Affairs has blocked off-shore purchase of hens, from
the French or anyone else. A $6M program is being developed to find an
acceptable domestic alternative.
Day 4 - Four Calling Birds: Source selection has been completed, with the
contract awarded to AT&T. However, the award is being challenged by a Small
disadvantaged business.
Day 5 - Five Golden Rings: No available rings meet MILSPEC for gold plating.
A three-year, $5M accelerated development program has been initiated.
Day 6 - Six Geese a-Laying: The six geese have been acquired. However, the
shells of their eggs seem to be very fragile. It might have been a mistake
to build the production facility on a nuclear waste dump at a former Air
Force base that was closed under BRAC.
Day 7 - Seven Swans a-Swimming: Fourteen swans have been killed trying to
get through the Navy SEAL training program. The program has been put on hold
while the training procedures are reviewed to determine why the washout rate
is so high.
Day 8 - Eight Maids a-Milking: The entire class of maids a milking training
program at Aberdeen is involved in a sexual harassment suit against the
Army. The program has been put on hold pending resolution of the lawsuit.
Day 9 - Nine Ladies Dancing: Recruitment of the ladies dancing has been
halted by a lawsuit from the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell Association." Members
claim they have a right to dance and wear women's clothing as long as
they're off duty.
Day 10 - Ten Lords a-Leaping: The ten lords have been abducted by
terrorists. Congress has approved $2M in funding to conduct a rescue
operation. Army Special Forces and a USMC MEU(SOC) are conducting a
"NEO-off" competition for the right to rescue.
Day 11 - Eleven Pipers Piping: The pipe contractor delivered the pipes on
time. However, he thought DoD wanted smoking pipes. DoD lost the claim Due
to defective specifications. A $22M dollar retrofit program is in process to
bring the pipes into spec.
Day 12 - Twelve Drummers Drumming: Due to cutbacks only six billets are
available for drumming drummers. DoD is in the process of coordinating an
RFP to obtain the six additional drummers by outsourcing; however, funds
will not be available until FY 05.
As a result of the above-mentioned programmatic delays, and due to a High
OPTEMPO that requires diversion of modernization funds to support current
readiness, Christmas is hereby postponed until further notice.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 21 Dec 2002 12:27 (UTC)Query: may I forward this to other people (email, not posting to newsgroups or anything), and if so, how would you like to be credited?
no subject
Date: 22 Dec 2002 00:33 (UTC)