The Horde of Mongols joke.
Feb. 15th, 2002 10:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gridloreBy popular request, here is the Horde of Mongols joke.
A Polish Jew was walking along the Baltic Sea near Gdansk when he found a lamp in the sand. Admiring it, he rubbed to get some of the tarnish off and a genie emerged in a cloud of smoke and fire.
"MASTER, FOR FREEING ME, YOU HAVE EARNED THREE WISHES! YOU MAY HAVE ANYTHING YOUR HEART DESIRES! WHAT IS YOUR WILL, O, MY MASTER?"
The man thinks a moment, then smiles and says: "I want a Mongolian horde to come and ravage Poland."
"YOU ARE SURE OF THIS?
"Yes."
"THEN SO IT SHALL BE!" The genie claps his hands and vanishes in a flash of light.
A few weeks later, 50,000 screaming Mongol Keshiks sweep out of the steppes and into Poland. They rape, loot, burn and kill for a few weeks before wheeling their horses about and heading back to Mongolia.
The genie appears to the man a second time, as he was sifting through the rubble of Lvov.
"MASTER, YOUR FIRST WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED! IN A THOUSAND YEARS, I HAVE NEVER GRANTED SUCH A WISH, BUT IT IS MY DUTY TO SERVE. NOW, CHOOSE YOUR SECOND WISH!""
"I want an even larger horde of Mongolian horsemen to come and ravage Poland."
"MASTER, WE JUST DID THAT... UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN HAVE THIS CHANCE! RICHES, LOVE, POWER.. THEY ARE ALL IN YOUR GRASP! I BEG OF YOU, MY MASTER, PLEASE RECONSIDER!"
"Gigantic. Mongolian. Horde. My mind is made up."
The genie shrugs, claps his hands and vanishes again.
Several weeks later the skies were darkened by the dust cloud kicked up by the approaching mass of screaming barbarians. A full half-million fierce steppe warriors poured into Poland, raping, pillaging and burning what the previous horde had missed. Treasures stolen, churches smashed.. this went on for weeks before they wheeled their mounts as one and rode back to Mongolia.
The genie appears for a third time, as the man was collecting bits of wood for a fire in the rubble of downtown Warsaw.
"MASTER! YOU HAVE ONE WISH LEFT! I BEG YOU TO CONSIDER THIS WISH WITH GREAT CARE! THE WONDERS OF THE UNIVERSE ARE AT YOUR SLIGHTEST COMMAND! PLEASE, PLEASE MAKE YOUR WISH NOW, AND THINK ON WHAT I'VE TOLD YOU!"
The man looks up and grins.
"I want the largest Mongol Horde in history to come and ravage Poland! I want every Mongol who ever rode in the saddle to come here and do his worst! That, genie is my wish."
The genie starts to speak, then sadly shakes his head, claps his hands, and vanishes.
The tremors from the hoof beats were felt across Europe. The war cries could be heard in Hungary. A full ten million Mongols poured into Poland with fire in their eyes and blood on their minds. From the Pripiat Marshes to Krakow to Gdansk, there was not a building not burned, a virgin left chaste, a treasure not stolen. The fires burned for weeks as the Mongols took everything they could. Finally, after weeks of torment, they wheeled their horses as one, and rode back to Mongolia.
The genie appears where the man is broiling some rabbit over a fire. He approaches and speaks softly.
"O, former Master, it is unheard of to appear after the third wish has been granted, but I must know! You could have had the stars! True love! Riches beyond you dreams! Why, oh why did you ask for three Mongolian Hordes to come and ravage Poland?"
The old Jew looks up and says with a big smile..
"They had to cross Russia six times."
A Polish Jew was walking along the Baltic Sea near Gdansk when he found a lamp in the sand. Admiring it, he rubbed to get some of the tarnish off and a genie emerged in a cloud of smoke and fire.
"MASTER, FOR FREEING ME, YOU HAVE EARNED THREE WISHES! YOU MAY HAVE ANYTHING YOUR HEART DESIRES! WHAT IS YOUR WILL, O, MY MASTER?"
The man thinks a moment, then smiles and says: "I want a Mongolian horde to come and ravage Poland."
"YOU ARE SURE OF THIS?
"Yes."
"THEN SO IT SHALL BE!" The genie claps his hands and vanishes in a flash of light.
A few weeks later, 50,000 screaming Mongol Keshiks sweep out of the steppes and into Poland. They rape, loot, burn and kill for a few weeks before wheeling their horses about and heading back to Mongolia.
The genie appears to the man a second time, as he was sifting through the rubble of Lvov.
"MASTER, YOUR FIRST WISH HAS BEEN GRANTED! IN A THOUSAND YEARS, I HAVE NEVER GRANTED SUCH A WISH, BUT IT IS MY DUTY TO SERVE. NOW, CHOOSE YOUR SECOND WISH!""
"I want an even larger horde of Mongolian horsemen to come and ravage Poland."
"MASTER, WE JUST DID THAT... UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN HAVE THIS CHANCE! RICHES, LOVE, POWER.. THEY ARE ALL IN YOUR GRASP! I BEG OF YOU, MY MASTER, PLEASE RECONSIDER!"
"Gigantic. Mongolian. Horde. My mind is made up."
The genie shrugs, claps his hands and vanishes again.
Several weeks later the skies were darkened by the dust cloud kicked up by the approaching mass of screaming barbarians. A full half-million fierce steppe warriors poured into Poland, raping, pillaging and burning what the previous horde had missed. Treasures stolen, churches smashed.. this went on for weeks before they wheeled their mounts as one and rode back to Mongolia.
The genie appears for a third time, as the man was collecting bits of wood for a fire in the rubble of downtown Warsaw.
"MASTER! YOU HAVE ONE WISH LEFT! I BEG YOU TO CONSIDER THIS WISH WITH GREAT CARE! THE WONDERS OF THE UNIVERSE ARE AT YOUR SLIGHTEST COMMAND! PLEASE, PLEASE MAKE YOUR WISH NOW, AND THINK ON WHAT I'VE TOLD YOU!"
The man looks up and grins.
"I want the largest Mongol Horde in history to come and ravage Poland! I want every Mongol who ever rode in the saddle to come here and do his worst! That, genie is my wish."
The genie starts to speak, then sadly shakes his head, claps his hands, and vanishes.
The tremors from the hoof beats were felt across Europe. The war cries could be heard in Hungary. A full ten million Mongols poured into Poland with fire in their eyes and blood on their minds. From the Pripiat Marshes to Krakow to Gdansk, there was not a building not burned, a virgin left chaste, a treasure not stolen. The fires burned for weeks as the Mongols took everything they could. Finally, after weeks of torment, they wheeled their horses as one, and rode back to Mongolia.
The genie appears where the man is broiling some rabbit over a fire. He approaches and speaks softly.
"O, former Master, it is unheard of to appear after the third wish has been granted, but I must know! You could have had the stars! True love! Riches beyond you dreams! Why, oh why did you ask for three Mongolian Hordes to come and ravage Poland?"
The old Jew looks up and says with a big smile..
"They had to cross Russia six times."
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Date: 15 Feb 2002 10:23 (UTC)no subject
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