Sometimes, I wonder...

[gridlore]

Kirsten and I don't have kids. We were waiting until we were more stable (in every sense of the word) then I got sick, and well, that was all she wrote. I'm mostly good with that. I'm comfortable being the "cool weird uncle" to the the kids of friends and family, and Halford knows our lives have been enough of a roller-coaster without children, but sometimes I think about what might have been.

Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows that my father and I rarely got along. In fact, we barely spoke for years until my cancer gave cause for a reconciliation. One of my biggest fears about fatherhood was ending up like him. Remote, demanding, not at all able to connect with what was important in my kids lives.Don't get me wrong, I owe my dad a lot (my ability to skin people at poker comes from his lessons) but when it came to the important things, he didn't get it.

To illustrate this, I took my mom to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show and The Grateful Dead. Any of you reading these who actually knew my father, try to picture Peter Berry at a Dead concert. (Sound of brains exploding) Yeah, my point. My mom didn't really get either of them, but she was willing to try.

So I wonder about what would happened if Kirsten and I had kids. That's the problem with not doing it, you'll never know how it would have turned out. I like to think that my kid(s) would turn out to be be inquisitive and open-minded, but who knows? We might have ended up with a jock, or worse, someone exactly like my sister! (No offense Ann, but can you picture Kirsten and me dealing with you as a teen?)

Oh, well. The Road Less Traveled always seems more inviting after you've walked a ways down the other path. Guess I'll just have to focus on spoiling the heck out of Niece Prime, the Emergency Back-Up Niece, and the Niece of Last Resort.

Comments

[cleverthylacine]

I wonder about that too. I was pregnant twice, neither time did it work out, and while I'm not deeply grieving about it years later I always wonder what they would have been like.

But, you know...I can't imagine myself with a 24 year old and a 15 year old.

[rickvs.livejournal.com]

Rachal and I have been having similar conversations as we near forty. Although I think we would make good parents, I don't think that's a good enough reason to pursue that course; her health problems and our financial situation would make it ...suboptimal. I also have the feeling that her fretting about this particular closing door has more to do with her thinking she owes her parents grandchildren, than about an actual desire to have kids herself.

[capplor.livejournal.com]

My one brother & his wife don't have kids either, instead they "rent" kids from various parents when there's a particular "kid oriented" something they want to do. The first round of rent-a-kids is now grown up & having children so instead of merely being the Uncle & Aunt for the afternoon they now get to be alternative set of grandparents for the afternoon.

This works well for them, they were, in fact, trying to sell us on the idea. (The nice thing is they would "rent" the kid at prevailing babysitting price & so everybody got to have fun & no extra money ever had to change hands.)

[melchar.livejournal.com]

Hurrah that there are -some- of 'us folks' who don't spawn. We can play, have unrealistic lives, invest in toys [of whatever hobby you have], focus on the one you loved enough to marry = and not have to worry about dooming 'the next generation' should something truly awful happen.

You also get to have the most fun with the kidlets of others, can spoil them with gifts - but most of all with your time and attention - and then return them when done. ^_^

[jarlsberg71.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I think the best parents come from people who are so afraid they can't.