Do NOT Press Happy Fun Doug's Buttons.

[gridlore]

Especially when he is tired and hungry.

Getting back into the swing of things at work has been difficult, and a 9.5 hour day Tuesday didn't help.) So I've been coming home tired and cranky. The first warm-spell isn't really helping matters with my walk to the light rail going from pleasant to sweat-producing (note to self: get bike into the shop for spring tune-up and puncture-resistant tubes.)

Today was no different. Got on the train home, found a seat on one of the benches, opened my book and started to read. This is a three seat bench, and there was an older woman at the other end of the bench. A stop or two later, a young Africa-American woman got on, looked around, apparently decided that sitting next to someone was unacceptable.

"You know, a gentleman would offer his seat to a lady."

Realizing she was talking to me, I looked up from my book.

"Do you have the right to vote?" I asked.

"Huh?" was the reply.

"The vote. Your franchise. Do you have the ability to secure credit under your own name? Can you, if you wish, apply to be a firefighter or police officer? Do you have a legal identity that is not attached to your husband or father? Are you judged on merit, rather than gender, at your place of work? In short, do you enjoy all the rights and privileges of a US citizen regardless of your gender?"

I waited for an answer.

"Well, yeah..."

I cut her off.

"Congratulations, the dream of Susan B. Anthony has come true! We're equals. Which means my ass stays in this seat and you can either take the empty seat next to me or stand. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn either way."

I went back to my book.

"But I'm black!"

Without looking up. "I'm Irish. Nobody beats us at racial or national hardships."

(What I almost said was "So, you need directions to the back of the car then?")

A stop or two later, she sat down.

Her first mistake was assuming I was a gentleman.

Comments

[bunyip.livejournal.com]

You bloody rock, mate!!

[hellloooonurse.livejournal.com]

You, sir, rock. I take my hat off to you. :)

[mdlbear]

With an empty seat available, not even a gentleman is obligated to give up his seat.

[mdlbear]

Come to think of it, I would probably have been less didactic and simply said "You know, a lady would not disturb a fellow-traveler when an empty seat was available."

[murbin.livejournal.com]

Nicely done. I do wonder if she even knew who Susan B. Anthony was.

[lisa-marli.livejournal.com]

Yep you weren't rude, she was. First, one should never say that someone else should do something to be polite. That is actually Not Polite! Second, there was still an empty seat, so you were NOT oblidged to do Anything any way. And I'm giving you the Rules according to Miss Manners. Your position as Doug remains intact.
And I'm Jewish married to an Irishman, so I'm Jewish and Irish. Beat you! :P
Hope you finish getting better soon.

[kshandra]

After murphymom converted, Doug's covered under the Law of Return. It's a tie. ;-)

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

Without looking up. "I'm Irish. Nobody beats us at racial or national hardships."

Bah. I'm Jewish. We got millennia on you.

Oh, and you rock most rockily.

[patagucci-thong.livejournal.com]

Doug, I love you man. :)

I so needed to read that....you have no idea...thank you for the smile. :)

Oh, and for making me spray my drink out my nose. ;)

That was the AWSEOME-EST!!!!

[netquiddler.livejournal.com]

Even though I consider myself a gentleman, if there's a seat available, then she can have that one instead of mine.

[twfarlan.livejournal.com]

Jayzus Crisco. Glad you went with the second remark.

[cmdr-zoom.livejournal.com]

"But I'm black!"

"Martin Luther King's too! Hallelujah!"

[nobleplatypus]

*SNORK*

Rock on, man.

[fragbert.livejournal.com]

You are my hero today.

[benkenobigal.livejournal.com]

Kick ass!! That was beautiful. First tries to use the "politeness" line and when that doesn't work, plays the race card??? So uncool. Very good. I would have applauded. :)

[zombiesmut.livejournal.com]

This will probably be deleted because you're a completely unfunny cocksucker and I'm sure other people have told you beforehand, but dude...

I completely missed that part of history class where the Irish were made to work in fields as slaves and beaten and whipped, considered animals rather than human beings. And yeah, being dragged away from your potatos and peat house by those portuguese bastards to work the plantations in chains, sold like property, must have been nasty. I really thought my history teacher was thourough too, I'm dissapointed.

Go die, horribly and miserably, you worthless piece of shit. Then again what am I supposed to expect from faux Irish?

[gridlore.livejournal.com]

No, I'm not going to delete you, I'm going to point out your silliness to all my friends. They love it when I bring them the best in kooks.

Yes you did completely miss that part of history. Perhaps you were too busy trying to remember when your last period was? Anyway, The English invaded Ireland for the first time in 1171. Henry II merrily killed tribal chieftains, enslaved Irishmen and women, and burned what he couldn't steal. Over the next few centuries, our culture was systematically hunted down, our old ways outlawed, and British lords bound Irish peasants to the land. The price of trying to escape was death by disembowelment. It wasn't until the 20th Century that Ireland was allowed to rule itself.

Oh, the potatoes? Your ignorance again. Potatoes were the only crop British lords allowed the Irish to grow, crowding out grain and grazing lands. When the potato blight hit, tens of thousand of Irish starved. Know what our lovely English masters did? Had thousands turned out for not paying their rents.

Faux Irish? Pog Mo Thoin, Cailleach!

[pauldrye.livejournal.com]

You silly, silly bint.

[louisadkins.livejournal.com]

I always find it amusing when someone tries to pretend that only one group was ever persecuted, dejected, enslaved, or otherwise treated badly. Misery and her brother Suffering were, are, and will be blind, deaf, and dumb. They swing their sword and axe as they will, with no heed to who happens to be in their way.

History lesson

[kath8562.livejournal.com]

The Irish were subject to this form of servitude (as well as other nationalities, including the English poor)--


"Indentured servitude is not identical with involuntary servitude and slavery. However, the system of power it created was often an opening for physical, sexual, and verbal abuse, as well as legal abuses of contract. In these circumstances, the system can represent a form of unfree labour, For example, indentured servants may be forced to purchase goods or services from the employer in exchange for an extension to the period of their indenture, which could thereby continue indefinitely. In other cases, indentured servants were subject to violence at the hands of their employers in the homes or fields in which they worked." (Wikipedia entry for Indendured Servants)

And my suggestion--don't talk to an Australian about what England did to them, either....

"Pog Mo Thoin, Cailleach", by the way, loosely translates to kiss my ass, bitch. Just so you don't have to look that up either.

Wouldn't know about the c'sucker comment

[capplor.livejournal.com]

but of all the things I would ever even imagining calling Doug, "Completely Unfunny" is entirely at the bottom of the list. This is the man who can describe a day driving a truck and have the entire household rolling in laughter.

And he doesn't have to plagiarize George Carlin's 7-words routine either to be funny or to insult those he deems deserving of it.

[tanyad.livejournal.com]

(I wandered over from s_f) I apologize for the stupidity of that wench as a black woman.

I do thank you for not making the back of the car remark however ;)

[a-view-so-cruel.livejournal.com]

Came over here from stupid_free and I have to say, you are quite possibly the coolest person alive. What a dimwit, like you owe her a damn thing. I'd have flipped at her for that "I'm blaaaaack" whine. Entitlement whore, does she ever need to get slapped. (And I spit dr. pepper out at the "back of the bus" remark).

Conclusion; you win the internet.

[00goddess.livejournal.com]

Very well-played. I wish I had witnessed it :)

I am a lady and sometimes men give up their seats for me. But I give up my seat for any elderly person, male or female... because that's what a lady does.

And in any case THERE WAS ALREADY A SEAT AVAILABLE. That alone makes her seem nuts, the rest is just gravy :)

[redhotpeppers.livejournal.com]

I am definitely adding this to my memories.


(What I almost said was "So, you need directions to the back of the car then?") - My favorite line