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I can honestly say that 2018 was my best year in a very long time. This was the year that my long road of stroke recovery finally blossomed into a new world of hope and possibility. I started the year still largely afraid and ended it with new hope for my future.
What a lot of people don't realize about medical crises like cancer or a stroke is that a big part of recovery is overcoming the shock of your body betraying you. You trust your body, depend on it, and then you have something go frightfully wrong all of the sudden and you are faced with dealing with a body that has betrayed you.
For a long time during and just after my cancer treatment, and again after my stroke, I'd look at my body in the mirror and instead of seeing me, I'd see the Thing. The Thing was the meat sack that had turned on me, leaving me broken and unable to live the life I wanted. You fear what the Thing is going to do next, so you retreat into a shell. You stay in your safe spaces, avoiding anything where the Thing might strike.
But this year I had progressed far enough in my recovery to get past the fear of my own body. I owe a lot of this to the amazing help I got from therapists. They helped me recognize why I was acting the way I was and gave me the tools to work through my bad times.
This is why I was able to apply for the Citizens Police Academy. Attending this over 12 weeks at the beginning of last year was transformative. Not only did I learn a great deal, but I found myself pushing beyond my limits. One of my Drill Sergeants always told us that what we thought were our limits were just the beginning of our potential. Attending the CPA proved this again. I found my confidence there.
Which led to me spotting an ad in the local city paper for crossing guards. I felt it was time to reach out for some type of work again. I knew that I had limitations; I get tired fast, have chronic pain issues, and still suffer from some balance and proprioception issues. I had been thinking of a gig job like Door Dash, but when I learned what the guard job entailed, I realized it was perfect for me.
As it turned out, getting the job turned into an ordeal. I had to redo my fingerprints after my first set was routed incorrectly. But they came back clean, I passed the physical, and I found myself a member of the Santa Clara Police Department. It's funny, as a crossing guard I am the lowest man on the totem pole, yet I am immensely proud to be wearing the department patches and my badge. It's good to be a part of something bigger than you.
I've been filling in as a relief guard over the past few months, and hopefully, I'll be getting my own corner soon. I really enjoy the work and the kids are great. Having a little extra money coming in is nice as well.
Along with all this police-related stuff, we did do other things. Kirsten and I work publications for the 76th World Science Fiction Convention here in San Jose. I was in charge of the Restaurant Guide, and I'm really happy with how it turned out. We also worked the newsletter at the convention. Although this meant I spent most of the con in the newsletter office, and there were several problems we had, I really enjoyed the insanity of working a World Con.
Immediately after World Con, we headed out for Burning Man. I was able to get out and see more this year, which was nice. The highlight was seeing the Alan Parsons Live Project performing "I, Robot" in its entirety and then having Alan Parsons himself come and hang out in our camp for a few hours. Really nice guy.
Musically, we saw a couple of really good shows this year. Judas Priest and Deep Purple, though Deep Purple was a bit of a disappointment; Ghost; and seeing the final show of Machine Head's current line up. That show was off the charts. We made a couple of ball games, and after nearly 25 years of being a baseball fan, I finally got a ball. From one of the grounds crew at San Jose Municipal, but it's a real baseball!
A good year. There were a few places I fell short, like keeping up on my writing and going to the gym on a regular basis. Two things to work on in 2019. But I'm entering the new year in good health and good spirits. For the first time in years, I feel good about the future.
What a lot of people don't realize about medical crises like cancer or a stroke is that a big part of recovery is overcoming the shock of your body betraying you. You trust your body, depend on it, and then you have something go frightfully wrong all of the sudden and you are faced with dealing with a body that has betrayed you.
For a long time during and just after my cancer treatment, and again after my stroke, I'd look at my body in the mirror and instead of seeing me, I'd see the Thing. The Thing was the meat sack that had turned on me, leaving me broken and unable to live the life I wanted. You fear what the Thing is going to do next, so you retreat into a shell. You stay in your safe spaces, avoiding anything where the Thing might strike.
But this year I had progressed far enough in my recovery to get past the fear of my own body. I owe a lot of this to the amazing help I got from therapists. They helped me recognize why I was acting the way I was and gave me the tools to work through my bad times.
This is why I was able to apply for the Citizens Police Academy. Attending this over 12 weeks at the beginning of last year was transformative. Not only did I learn a great deal, but I found myself pushing beyond my limits. One of my Drill Sergeants always told us that what we thought were our limits were just the beginning of our potential. Attending the CPA proved this again. I found my confidence there.
Which led to me spotting an ad in the local city paper for crossing guards. I felt it was time to reach out for some type of work again. I knew that I had limitations; I get tired fast, have chronic pain issues, and still suffer from some balance and proprioception issues. I had been thinking of a gig job like Door Dash, but when I learned what the guard job entailed, I realized it was perfect for me.
As it turned out, getting the job turned into an ordeal. I had to redo my fingerprints after my first set was routed incorrectly. But they came back clean, I passed the physical, and I found myself a member of the Santa Clara Police Department. It's funny, as a crossing guard I am the lowest man on the totem pole, yet I am immensely proud to be wearing the department patches and my badge. It's good to be a part of something bigger than you.
I've been filling in as a relief guard over the past few months, and hopefully, I'll be getting my own corner soon. I really enjoy the work and the kids are great. Having a little extra money coming in is nice as well.
Along with all this police-related stuff, we did do other things. Kirsten and I work publications for the 76th World Science Fiction Convention here in San Jose. I was in charge of the Restaurant Guide, and I'm really happy with how it turned out. We also worked the newsletter at the convention. Although this meant I spent most of the con in the newsletter office, and there were several problems we had, I really enjoyed the insanity of working a World Con.
Immediately after World Con, we headed out for Burning Man. I was able to get out and see more this year, which was nice. The highlight was seeing the Alan Parsons Live Project performing "I, Robot" in its entirety and then having Alan Parsons himself come and hang out in our camp for a few hours. Really nice guy.
Musically, we saw a couple of really good shows this year. Judas Priest and Deep Purple, though Deep Purple was a bit of a disappointment; Ghost; and seeing the final show of Machine Head's current line up. That show was off the charts. We made a couple of ball games, and after nearly 25 years of being a baseball fan, I finally got a ball. From one of the grounds crew at San Jose Municipal, but it's a real baseball!
A good year. There were a few places I fell short, like keeping up on my writing and going to the gym on a regular basis. Two things to work on in 2019. But I'm entering the new year in good health and good spirits. For the first time in years, I feel good about the future.
