Anthony Bourdain and the Demons in my Head.

Here's what has affected me the most about Anthony Bourdain's suicide.

By all accounts, he was doing OK. He had a popular show where he did what he loved. He had a girlfriend, a good crew, and to all appearances was happy. He had also been battling depression for years.

Today, the depression won.

I've been battling depression and PTSD for years, even before I knew I had these problems. I've learned a lot of good mechanisms for coping with my issues, and am taking a drug that really helps with controlling the emotional swings, BUT. . .

The depression just has to win one time for me to do something stupid and final.

It's not about crisis lines or support networks, it's about the demons in my head pushing me over a cliff. And that scares me.

So I keep fighting, one day at a time.