Jokes only Civilization players are going to get.

From the CivVI game I started today.

I had one scout unit that refused to autoexplore a huge undiscovered area to my west. I know this was because of a nearly impassable mountain range that bisected the continent. But in my mind, this is how it played out.

Centurion (John Cleese): "The scouts have returned, Sire."

Emperor Trajan (Graham Chapman): "Very well, send them in."

Scout 1 (Eric Idle) and Scout 2 (Terry Jones) enter.

Trajan: "Brave scouts, your discoveries will show us the paths to expanding our empire! Tell me of your travels and what riches lie waiting for our hand."

S1: "Well, to be honest . . . fish."

S2: "Oh, yes. Quite lovely fish, and quite a lot of them!"

T: "Excellent! So a new ocean lies to the west?"

S1: "Ah, no. These fish, these particular fish, are to the east. In a fish market. In Carthage."

S2: "Lovely fish, at a reasonable price!"

T: "Carthage!? I sent you out to explore unknown lands and meet new peoples, not go up the bloody trade road and eat fish in bloody Carthage! Why didn't you do what I ordered and travel west?"

S2: "Yes about that, you see . . ."

S1: "It's scary out that way."

T: "Scary? We have no idea what's there, it's why I sent you to scout it out!"

S1: "Well, look at the map, sire! Just beyond those mountains there's a giant lizard, it must be fifty miles long! And all we have are these sticks to fight with!"

S2: "And they're not even pointed sticks."

Everyone else: "Shut up!"

T: "There is no 50 mile long lizard. That's just artistic license."

S2: "I didn't know we had developed artistic license yet!"

S1: "Oh, we have that, but sewers are centuries off, they say."

C: "Odd set of priorities, if you ask me."

T: "No one asked you. And how are you a centurion when we don't have iron yet?"

C: "It's the only costume we have the identifies the scene as being in Rome."

T: (glaring at the scouts) "Now you two are going north to the passes, then west into new lands, and report on what you find. Now get!"

S2: "What about the giant lizard?"

S1: "What about pointed sticks?"

T: "GET OUT!"

Cut to Terry Gilliam animation of the scouts moving north, then west towards blank area of the map. Suddenly, the map art of a giant lizard comes to life and eats them.

Centurion, facing the camera. "Sadly, the developers hope that the map-elements-eating-units bug will become a beloved feature, much like Gandhi going nuts when nukes are developed. I don't see it happening, myself." Looks up, screams, and tries to duck as a giant lizard head drops in to eat him.