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Mutual of Gridlore's Wild Kindgom
Dec. 1st, 2010 03:21 pmI have posted in the past about my encounters with animals while driving the highways and byways. Who can forget the Lesbian Sheep of Gilroy? (By Halford's Scream, that was five years ago?) The Literary Chickens of Redwood Estates? The Gate-Crashing Cows? The World's Slowest and Dumbest ex-Pigeon? And never turn your back on The Chickens of French Camp!
I seem to collect encounters with odd animals. Today was a double shot.
Main-gauche Electric doubles as an animal sanctuary. Seriously, they've devoted a corner of their yard to a place for semi-feral cats to live (the do catch and spay/neuter them, along with trying to socialize them to becone house cats), a couple of dogs, and two monkeys. Spider monkeys, to be precise. Cute, fast, and well-trained to the office. Well trained to a point. . . I was chatting with one of the owners as she signed for the one box I was delivering, when a brown flash raced into the room, lept from the couch to my shoulder, and, grabbing my hat in the process, used me the way Daredevil uses old brownstones. I swear the thing was giggling as it sped off. "Monkey burgers. Monkey stew. Roast monkey. What wine goes with monkey?" I muttered as my customer laughed herself silly. This particular furry thief had recently grown fixated on hats, I was told, and the owner had honestly forgotten to warn me. My Giants cap was rescued, and the words "at least he didn't pee on this one" left me imagining deep-fried monkey on a stick.
Proving that I can't win, my next stop was the home of my time-share dogs. Lacey is getting big, but still has that puppy playfulness to her. Lots of bouncing and demands for ear-skritches. I was seated on a low pile of pallets giving Cally the love she deserves (we've known each other for years, after all) when Lacey decides that she wants attention now. She jumps over Cally, hitting me directly in the chest, sending me sprawling backwards. Lacey ended up on my chest. You could she the hamster wheels go into overdrive. "Why, I'm on top of the Occasional Sucker!" Lacey thought, "This means I can LICK HIS ENTIRE HEAD!!!!!!" Which she did. Enthusiastically. She licked hard enough to active my Bluetooth headset. Cally just sat there with a look that said "I have to deal with this all freaking day. Have fun, I'm off to take a nap." But Lacey wasn't done with me. I had taken off my work gloves to sign paperwork and pet dogs. Lacey picked up one of my gloves and took it into the doghouse/table in the warehouse work area. I'm down to one pair, and I doubt diesel and machine oil are good for growing puppies, so I had to crawl in after her to get my glove back. She had dropped the glove in an empty food dish.
I'm taking that as a warning.
I seem to collect encounters with odd animals. Today was a double shot.
Main-gauche Electric doubles as an animal sanctuary. Seriously, they've devoted a corner of their yard to a place for semi-feral cats to live (the do catch and spay/neuter them, along with trying to socialize them to becone house cats), a couple of dogs, and two monkeys. Spider monkeys, to be precise. Cute, fast, and well-trained to the office. Well trained to a point. . . I was chatting with one of the owners as she signed for the one box I was delivering, when a brown flash raced into the room, lept from the couch to my shoulder, and, grabbing my hat in the process, used me the way Daredevil uses old brownstones. I swear the thing was giggling as it sped off. "Monkey burgers. Monkey stew. Roast monkey. What wine goes with monkey?" I muttered as my customer laughed herself silly. This particular furry thief had recently grown fixated on hats, I was told, and the owner had honestly forgotten to warn me. My Giants cap was rescued, and the words "at least he didn't pee on this one" left me imagining deep-fried monkey on a stick.
Proving that I can't win, my next stop was the home of my time-share dogs. Lacey is getting big, but still has that puppy playfulness to her. Lots of bouncing and demands for ear-skritches. I was seated on a low pile of pallets giving Cally the love she deserves (we've known each other for years, after all) when Lacey decides that she wants attention now. She jumps over Cally, hitting me directly in the chest, sending me sprawling backwards. Lacey ended up on my chest. You could she the hamster wheels go into overdrive. "Why, I'm on top of the Occasional Sucker!" Lacey thought, "This means I can LICK HIS ENTIRE HEAD!!!!!!" Which she did. Enthusiastically. She licked hard enough to active my Bluetooth headset. Cally just sat there with a look that said "I have to deal with this all freaking day. Have fun, I'm off to take a nap." But Lacey wasn't done with me. I had taken off my work gloves to sign paperwork and pet dogs. Lacey picked up one of my gloves and took it into the doghouse/table in the warehouse work area. I'm down to one pair, and I doubt diesel and machine oil are good for growing puppies, so I had to crawl in after her to get my glove back. She had dropped the glove in an empty food dish.
I'm taking that as a warning.
