Failure to Launch

Well, i got up at 0430, got dressed, put my teeth in (as an aside: if any of you ever get dentures try to avoid going two weeks without wearing them. It's like they're brand new again.) and got everything together for work. kshandra, who deserves several sainthoods, got up to drive me in. Get to work, and discover that no one passed along the message I'd be back today. So I'm taking one more day of rest. And trying to get used to my dentures again.

Although I did learn that I managed to cause drama without even being there. When I had spoken with Adam about my flu, I encouraged him to tell everyone that I had H1N1 and that they should get the shots. Adam made up an announcement about it, and mentioned me by name. Which caused some consternation among higher management since it was disclosing medical information without my written consent. Understandable, but if they had called me I would have faxed in a consent letter. My main concern was the flu spreading around the company and hurting our operations.

The Flag on my mountain of Suck

Ensign Wheatbiscut, having escaped the brig in a stunning caper involving a T-34/76 tank, four bottles of Montrachet 1978 from Domaine de la Romanée-Conti, and a Mexican wrestling dwarf, creeps into the control room of the Doug.

The room is eerily empty and quiet. Wheatbiscuit pokes around a bit, finally finding a note taped to the Master Control panel.

Control staff down with the flu. Controls have been set for "recovery", please do not touch! We will resume normal operations soonest. Thank you for your cooperation.

"Why this must mean that I'm in charge!" exclaims the happy Ensign. "First order of business, tea!" After waiting a few moments, Wheatbiscuit remembers that he is the only person there. "Damned inconvenience, having to both give and take the orders."

Soon enough, the kettle is on, and Wheatbiscuit looks around. What to do now? Then he sees it, and his eyes go wide. The Solid Waste Disposal Shunt.. Like a child on Christmas, he rushes over, and jams it to the max, shouting "I'm in charge! I'm in charge!"

From his sickbed, the Captain stares at the ceiling as the alarms sound and the Doug-ship lurches, and says...

(Have fun!)