If you really want to know...

In an online discussion today on IRC, one of the regulars mentioned their SO had just been diagnosed with liver cancer, and she was struggling to understand how he felt (he being a typical macho male about such things.) I was the only survivor online at the time, and had to come up with something. Some of you have asked me this in the past, so I thought I'd share.

Next time you take a shower or change or get naked for whatever reason, take a good look in the mirror. That's not you anymore. That's the thing that is trying to destroy everything you are. The dependable bag of muscle, bones, and guts that you have trusted for years has turned on you, and to beat it down, you have to get sliced open, poisoned repeatedly, maybe even get bathed in radiation. You are going to suffer, and it may not work because the thing that was once your body is tough, and wants you to die.

I had that reaction many times during the bad days. Sometimes I got to the point of wanting to smash the mirror just so I didn't have to look at the thing anymore. There were days when I couldn't make myself eat because of not wanting the thing to have energy. There were days when seemed like a good thing.