Jul. 24th, 2004

gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Python God)
Warning, swallow anything you are drinking before reading these...


The jewels found below are said to be written by actual students and are genuine, authentic, and un-retouched. Compiled by Richard Lederer, they appear in the 12/31/95 issue of National Review.

"In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals came onto in pears. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night."

"Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles."

"Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is to humor thy father and mother. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery."

"Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him."

"David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines."

"When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus she sang the Magna Carta. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. St. John,
the Black smith, dumped water on his head."

"Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, 'Man doth not live by sweat alone.' It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tomb stone off the
entrance."

"The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was by profession of a taximan."

"St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage."

http://www.inchristalone.org/BibleStories.htm

_____________________________

6:38

Jul. 24th, 2004 11:54 am
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Bicycle)
That's the lead Lance Armstrong has going into the final stage of the Tour de France. The man is unreal.

I may get up at 0-dark thirty to watch him ride into history.
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (God)
That's the Title for Star Wars Episode III. I'm not really thrilled. Didn't like I, haven't even seen II. but something struck me.

Star Wars: A New Hope
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones

Star Wars: The Return of the Jedi
Star Wars: The Revenge of the Sith

The same word count, and stylistically the same. The first film of each trilogy has a somewhat mysterious title. The second refers to combat and action, the third to a group that is coming back in some way.

Nice little touch there.
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Bosch)
VH1 is doing a metal night, and I'm watching 100 Metal Moments. A few great quotes:

"The best metal has a message for the world; that message is FUCK YOU!!!" - Sebastian Bach, Skid Row.

"I don't care how good looking your are. By the end of the night, I will be with your girlfriend." Gene Simmons, KISS

(About Rob Halford's coming out) "I don't care if he's straight or likes to play with German Shepherds or whatever!" - random Priest fan.

"The penis is back on tour." - one of the GWAR guys.

"C. C. DeVille is the best terrible guitarist in the world."

Done!

Jul. 24th, 2004 10:30 pm
gridlore: Doug looking off camera with a grin (Me - Drama)
Eight loads of laundry. Finished. Washed, dried, folded and put away.

Good night!

(oh, and go Giants! 2 straight against the Cardinals!)

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