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Unbelievable
I am currently engaged in one of the strangest discussions I have ever seen on the ConJose mailing list, A newbie ask for advise on how to enjoy his first World Con, and the comments flowed into convention etiquette. I mentioned that some people (like me) dislike being hugged without warning, so please ask first.
So far, I've been told that I need to see a shrink, been accused in private mail of being psychopathic, and told that if this person sees me they will hug me, consequences be damned.
Why is it so bloody hard for people to realize and accept that I just do not like being touched? Why do I have to wear a button that says Ask Before Hugging? What does it say about fandom that there is a market for these buttons?
To be clear: I understand and accept inadvertent contact like you get in crowded elevators and queues. Being tapped on the shoulder in a noisy place, is okay. But unless I have invited any other form of contact, please do not assume that I want to hug you! I have very good reasons for this.
Christ, I may get a spiked jacket at this rate.
So far, I've been told that I need to see a shrink, been accused in private mail of being psychopathic, and told that if this person sees me they will hug me, consequences be damned.
Why is it so bloody hard for people to realize and accept that I just do not like being touched? Why do I have to wear a button that says Ask Before Hugging? What does it say about fandom that there is a market for these buttons?
To be clear: I understand and accept inadvertent contact like you get in crowded elevators and queues. Being tapped on the shoulder in a noisy place, is okay. But unless I have invited any other form of contact, please do not assume that I want to hug you! I have very good reasons for this.
Christ, I may get a spiked jacket at this rate.
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They did know that you'd been given a nice education on how to kill people, right? And that coming up to someone and touching them ,after being told not to constitutes assault?
Sounds like a future nominee for a darwin award. Who is this yib-yob, so I can avoid them?
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Why else do you think someone said "I fear for the people around you, then"? Ferchrissake, Aahz posted to the thread and said "Folks, he has a boundary - respect it." And you KNOW what a promiscuous hugger he is....
One of the list admins finally stepped in and said "Okay, this has been beaten into the sand. Take it to email, or drop it altogether." I hope people have chosen the latter.
I'm with you
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Second thing: I've known you for HOW long? And I have hugged you HOW many times? Three? I think? In all that time? Maybe? Hear me complaining? NO. Why? Because Doug says he would rather not. Ergo, Doug would rather not! I fail to see the problem.
Third thing: Spiked Jackets are too obvioius. Get a few dozen batteries, wire them into your jacket, and then run very thin filaments all over the outside of the jacket. How shocking. ;)
-JEM
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Actually, screaming is very effective, especially when followed by "He scared me! I don't know this person!" or "What are you some kind of internet stalker?"
I once got a guy thrown out of a party for unwanted hitting on me by screaming bloody murder when he touched me after I'd made it clear I didn't want to be touched.
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Get that in writing so s/he can't sue you when you slug him/her. "Yes, that is what I said, yes, I did say that I was going to do it no matter what, yes I understand that constitutes an acceptance of whatever happened as a result, yes I understand I don't have a legal leg to stand on for Doug bitch slapping me to the curb."
I don't get people who think that their feelings on a matter have to apply to everyone. Dammit, not everyone likes being touched, and yes "just because" is a valid reason, alongside all the other valid reasons like abuse survivor, post-traumatic stress disorder, etc. Some people need to learn that their way or the highway means THEY can hit the road.
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he's holding a gun in it. LARGE hint.
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Queu?
By god, you aren't turning psychopath...
...You're becoming British!
The problem with people like you describe is that they have their ideals and they think they know what you need more than you do...
The difficulty in dealing with them is to get them to lay off without provoking them to "get you professional help"...
...Have you considered a sweater in an odd color that sheds everything coated with a liberal amount of pet hair?
(Oh, and just wait for the priest to show for your excorcism...)
Ummm...
My father was from Devon, you realize? I was raised on British adventure stories, British science-fiction and Brtish humor. There was, alas, a small bit of British cuisine involved as well.
This is probably part of the reason I dislike being touched. We weren't an overly expressive family.
Re: Ummm...
I had a supervisor from Pittsburgh that, before he became a supervisor, I had to keep picking up certain termite accounts from because he irked these people...
...Turns out, 90% of them were from the MidWest or other places where his standing 2 feet away to talk to them was considered rude.
My Future-Ex-Mother-in-Law was born in Britain...
...Not too much English cuisine though.
(BTW, todkaninchen is German for "death rabbit(s)"... an homage to the little white bunny in a classic Monty Python film...
...a personal favorite, aloung with HHGTTG, Red Dwarf, Dr. Who and many others...
...Otherwise, I might have never associated "Queu" with being British.)
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There is a very nice guy who really creeped me out by taking what I call "hug liberty" with me before I was ready to give it. I felt violated every time this guy hugged me.
Even though I now feel I know him well enough to hug him the thought of doing so still squicks me out because of that.
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1) Step back away from them as they approach me with open arms, looking at them like, "Hey, what rock did this crawl out of?"
2) Stiffen up like a wooden plank, looking down at their face (I'm tall, I rarely look up at anyone) with that same expression, occassionally even going to the point of saying, "Excuse me, but what made you think that was a good idea?"
I'm odd sometimes, I know, but I get very confrontational with people who think their ideals outweigh my rights.
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Uh.. I mean... Fight the power! Yeah!
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If I'm with people who like doing A-frame hugs in lieu of a handshake or simple nod and I'm good with it, fine. If the people I'm with aren't that touchy-feely, also fine. If it's a mixed group, I keep track of who takes what as best I can. It is plain and simple propriety. Or did I just use a filthy word?
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