The snark must flow.

The following question appeared in Yahoo! Answers' Religion & Spirituality section:

Calling all psychics?

can any one tell me how long they see my partner karen geting in jail thanks x

My reply:

90 days. But then in a stunning incident involving an issue of People magazine, a rubber duck, and an inmate who is secretly a Hapsburg heir, she will be implicated in a massive conspiracy to steal the formula for Coca-Cola! She will escape in a hail of bullets, and go on the run for several years, ending up in a close, if complicated, relationship with a yak herder in Nepal. Having learned the secrets of Yak-style Kung-Fu, she sets out to clear her name as a stealthy (if somewhat smelly) ninja!

On August 27th, 2019, she's going to decapitate you. Not for anything relating to the conspiracy or her exile, but for never returning her favorite CD and washing her whites with the red shirt that one time. Your last words will be "funny, it smells like a yak in here."

Trust me, I'm a psychic.

I'm so bad.

Heavy Metal Sunday feels the need for Priest.

Classic Priest. From the Screaming for Vengeance tour, Rob and the boys performing The Green Manalishi (with the 2-Pronged Crown). I almost saved this for covers month, but the song has become so identified with JP rather Fleetwood Mac.

Enjoy!

And remember, tune in on Thanksgiving morning for the annual Heavy Metal Turkey! This one is going to hurt.

How do you say "Bitch, please" in Japanese?

Or Aztec, for that matter.

Just finished a Civ IV game, where I found my poor English Empire sandwiched between the Aztecs and the Japanese - two of the touchiest, most aggressive cultures in the game. Let's see.. Tokugawa declared war on me three times before I turned the tables on him and wiped him out. Montezuma declared war two or three times, and then did it once more right at the end when I was trying to build up for a cultural win. Wiped him out too, but the time the dust had settled, I had a Time Victory.

Schmucks, the both of them.