An ABC Afterschool Special in 30 Seconds (not reenacted by bunnies)

[gridlore]

Feel free to picture the players with bunny ears, if you wish.

I had stopped to use a restroom and grab a tube of Karmex. In front of me was a kid, maybe 19, buying, among other things, a can of Red Man chewing tobacco.

Me: "That shit will really fuck you up."

Kid (sarcastically): "Oh, really?"

Me: (reaches into mouth and performs the rarely seen Double Plate Pull) "Really. These are just for show. I lost so much bone mass that there's nothing for them to grab onto. So when I eat I usually gum my food. My friends all think I have a fetish for scrambled eggs and soup, since that's all I can eat in public. But hey, (insert upper plate) maybe you'll be one of the lucky ones, (insert lower plate) and just get throat cancer. You'll keep your teeth, but then you'll be eating through a tube in your side."

Kid pushes the tin back.

*curtain*

Maybe I saved a life today. Who knows. But if nothing else, I got to wave my teeth at complete strangers!

That's always a good thing.

Comments

[murphymom.livejournal.com]

You are my hero! I only wish that would work on the Dude - unfortunately, he already knows the real story behind your teeth (in a manner of speaking).

[kevin-standlee.livejournal.com]

*Applause* That's brilliant!

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

gridlore FTW!

[weirdodragoncat.livejournal.com]

You sir.....win...epically

[melchar.livejournal.com]

You are full of awesome!

[fangedfaerie.livejournal.com]

*standing ovation*

[redc1c4.livejournal.com]

/me applauds wildly

i just tell people to that i encourage smoking, because it means j*b security for me and the boss. %-)

[chaotic-nipple.livejournal.com]

How very like a Godless Lib'rul, resorting to outright DECEIT when you can't use force to impose your Politically Correct Will... ;-) But I kid, you = win.