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California, uber alles...
Seen in alt.atheism:
Dear Mr. President,
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the blue states with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast.
We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then.
So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get the Governator, stem cell research and the best beaches,. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (We will keep Martha Stewart, but having served her sentence she will now be a contributor to society rather than the unindicted contributors to your campaign) We get the
Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand, we get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get all the technological innovation in Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families, You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we know how much you like that. Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck the only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs.
Oh yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state dinners. From now on it's imported French wine for you. Ouch, bet that hurts.
Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all blue state citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.
Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously, Soon.
Sincerely,
California
Dear Mr. President,
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the blue states with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast.
We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then.
So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get the Governator, stem cell research and the best beaches,. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (We will keep Martha Stewart, but having served her sentence she will now be a contributor to society rather than the unindicted contributors to your campaign) We get the
Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand, we get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and
entrepreneurs. You get all the technological innovation in Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families, You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we know how much you like that. Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck the only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs.
Oh yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state dinners. From now on it's imported French wine for you. Ouch, bet that hurts.
Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all blue state citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.
Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously, Soon.
Sincerely,
California
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hell no, we won't go!
after all, our meth cookers can kick your tree hugger's asses.
redc1c4,
y'all come down and visit, ya' heah? %-)
Re: hell no, we won't go!
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Although, I think there would probably be some alterations to state's borders in certain areas of certain states along the borders.
The most difficult part, I should think, would be running the logistics of a split region country between the West Coast and the Northeast with another country in the middle.
Economically, the Red states would have a more agricultural base with some areas of high technology and the lion's share of oil and usable coal resources. This would probably become a cash cow if/when trade with the Blue states openned. The smaller population density would almost certainly create a higher proportion of exports to imports, pushing up the Blue dollar and allowing for a quicker adjustment to compensate for losing the resources and capabilities of California and such.
Culturally, I think the Red states would still be more influential with the entertainment infrastructure of California.
National crime rates would drop in the Blue states with the loss of the Northeast and California and their more concentrated urban populations. If a more controlled border between California and other Red states were put in place, exported crime could also decrease. The flipside is that, proportionally, the border length versus population of the Blue and Red states would go up along with the added stress to the states to manage it.
From a national defense perspective, the Red states, due to their economies, would be able to afford a more expensive military and a higher percentage of population availible to man their military. Barring their anti-war stance, they would have more of an advantage militarily. By comparison, the Blue states would have proportionally less money and a lower population in spite of possessing the major facilities for producing F-15's and other high-tech goodies. Perhaps money could be had by the Blues by selling military munitions. In addition, the Blues, while likely to keep a high percentage of the ground forces and equipment, would likely loose a majority of the naval resources along with most of the current coastline. Naval spending, proportionally would drop. In addition, barring invasion from the Reds or from Allies with the Reds, the Red's position on the borders of the Blues may act as a buffer against invasion.
I think such a division might be good for both sides eventually if a division were executed peacefully and in good faith.
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oh, and in case you don't have enough quizzes and such in your journal
Friday 5'er (http://www.livejournal.com/community/fridayfiver/)
America, RvB.
Re: America, RvB.
The other thing is, joking aside, it's not about whole states. It's about individual counties and even finer divisions. The conflict between "urban" and "rural" populations and values which has simmered over pretty much the whole life of the Republic is entering one of its active periods, like a volcano or a flare star.
Re: America, RvBvGv ETC