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The Olympic Test.
I've been sort of half-watching the Olympics. The problem is there are too many weird sports that don't belong there.
So at work yesterday, I devised the true test of an Olympic sport - would the Spartans do it? If you can picture the toughest Greeks of them all participating in an event, it stays.. if not, it goes.
Aquatics: The Swimming and Water polo events are in, Diving and Synchronised Swimming are out.
Archery: In, all events.
Athletics:These events are the core of the Olympics, and are all in. Except for road walk, which is silly.
Badminton: Very silly, and out.
Baseball: As much as I love the game, I can't piucture a Spartan taking a 3-1 pitch. Gone.
Basketball: On the other hand, Spartans would love jamming the lane. In
Boxing: Duh. Spartans practically invented the sport. In.
Canoeing: I can see Spartans doing this. These events stay.
Cycling: It takes guts to race cycles, so it stays.
Equestrian: The horsey events originate with the training of horses for war, so the Spartans like these events. They stay.
Fencing: Another no-brainer. Spartans love sword play.
Football: I'd love to see the Sparta - Athens match. It's in.
Gymnastics: Gone. It may have been a sport once, but real Spartans don't bounce on trampolines. Get rid of the rythmic stuff, and the bloody trampoline, and we'll talk.
Handball: Having watched Olympic handball, I can say the Spartans would have appreciated the violence. It's in.
Hockey: Or, in this case, Field Hockey. Rough, violent, and often involves blood. It stays.
Judo: Very in. Martial Arts are what the Spartans are all about.
Modern Pentathlon: Absolutely. This is by far the most martial of the modern Olympic sports.
Rowing: In
Sailing: Not really. Gone.
Shooting: To quote the Aussies.. "aw, yeah!"
Softball: Gone.
Table Tennis: Gone!
Taekwondo: More hiting. So it is in.
Tennis: Any sport that uses the word "love" is non-Spartan, and gone.
Triathlon: This is the kind of athletic masochism that the old Spartans loved. It stays.
Volleyball: Regular Volleyball stays, beach vollyball goes.
Weightlifting: Stays.
Wrestling: Originial Greek sport, so it stays.
There, if people would listen to me, the Olympics would rock.
I have a similar test for the Winter olympics.. The Viking Test.
So at work yesterday, I devised the true test of an Olympic sport - would the Spartans do it? If you can picture the toughest Greeks of them all participating in an event, it stays.. if not, it goes.
Aquatics: The Swimming and Water polo events are in, Diving and Synchronised Swimming are out.
Archery: In, all events.
Athletics:These events are the core of the Olympics, and are all in. Except for road walk, which is silly.
Badminton: Very silly, and out.
Baseball: As much as I love the game, I can't piucture a Spartan taking a 3-1 pitch. Gone.
Basketball: On the other hand, Spartans would love jamming the lane. In
Boxing: Duh. Spartans practically invented the sport. In.
Canoeing: I can see Spartans doing this. These events stay.
Cycling: It takes guts to race cycles, so it stays.
Equestrian: The horsey events originate with the training of horses for war, so the Spartans like these events. They stay.
Fencing: Another no-brainer. Spartans love sword play.
Football: I'd love to see the Sparta - Athens match. It's in.
Gymnastics: Gone. It may have been a sport once, but real Spartans don't bounce on trampolines. Get rid of the rythmic stuff, and the bloody trampoline, and we'll talk.
Handball: Having watched Olympic handball, I can say the Spartans would have appreciated the violence. It's in.
Hockey: Or, in this case, Field Hockey. Rough, violent, and often involves blood. It stays.
Judo: Very in. Martial Arts are what the Spartans are all about.
Modern Pentathlon: Absolutely. This is by far the most martial of the modern Olympic sports.
Rowing: In
Sailing: Not really. Gone.
Shooting: To quote the Aussies.. "aw, yeah!"
Softball: Gone.
Table Tennis: Gone!
Taekwondo: More hiting. So it is in.
Tennis: Any sport that uses the word "love" is non-Spartan, and gone.
Triathlon: This is the kind of athletic masochism that the old Spartans loved. It stays.
Volleyball: Regular Volleyball stays, beach vollyball goes.
Weightlifting: Stays.
Wrestling: Originial Greek sport, so it stays.
There, if people would listen to me, the Olympics would rock.
I have a similar test for the Winter olympics.. The Viking Test.
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Oh, yes they were. What they had was access to lots and lots of Persian gold with which to hire mercenary sailors.
Of course, the Spartans did produce one brilliant admiral . . .