The Weekly World News has outdone itself.
MASSIVE GOVERNMENT COVER-UP!
MOON DOOMED!AUSTIN BRIGGS AIR FORCE BASE, Texas -- Ever since the world learned that extraterrestrials are using the moon as a garbage dump (Weekly World News, June 27), scientists and the military have been on top-secret high alert.
"We've been monitoring the lunar body for signs of instability, toxins and increased geologic activity," said General Eddie Burroughs, USAF, in charge of lunar surveillance. "Unfortunately, Project Extreme Watchfulness has found all three. Early last week we saw a garbage scow -- apparently of Martian origin -- make one final deposit in Clavius Crater and then speed away. Our Photon Emissions Watchers detected a corrosive, highly fissionable deposit on the moon -- one that will trigger a complete lunar meltdown in six months!
"For those readers who aren't scientists, this is a whole lot worse than a lunar eclipse," General Burroughs said helpfully. NASA physicist Dr. Tark Stasis agreed. "Unless we act on the PEW landfill findings, the moon is doomed," he said. "The alien waste is a deadly amalgam of U-238, plutonium and a super heavy new element we've called black monolithium. This compound has been dissolving its way to the lunar core, like hydrofluoric acid eating through a goose. Not that I've ever tried that, ya know," he added quickly. "The truth the government doesn't want people to know is this: Unless the process is halted, the moon's solid core will melt, gas will build up and the moon will pop in about six months." What does that mean for life on Earth?
"Well," Dr. Stasis said, "apart from messing up the tides big-time and ending moonlight make-out sessions, thousands of lunar fragments the size of sanitation trucks will smash into Earth. Think of what just one giant meteor did to the dinosaurs, striking the Earth and kicking up enough dust to block the sun for years. This will kill every living thing on the planet. In fact, it will re-kill everything that's already dead, that's how devastating it will be."
