Do NOT Press Happy Fun Doug's Buttons.

[gridlore]

Especially when he is tired and hungry.

Getting back into the swing of things at work has been difficult, and a 9.5 hour day Tuesday didn't help.) So I've been coming home tired and cranky. The first warm-spell isn't really helping matters with my walk to the light rail going from pleasant to sweat-producing (note to self: get bike into the shop for spring tune-up and puncture-resistant tubes.)

Today was no different. Got on the train home, found a seat on one of the benches, opened my book and started to read. This is a three seat bench, and there was an older woman at the other end of the bench. A stop or two later, a young Africa-American woman got on, looked around, apparently decided that sitting next to someone was unacceptable.

"You know, a gentleman would offer his seat to a lady."

Realizing she was talking to me, I looked up from my book.

"Do you have the right to vote?" I asked.

"Huh?" was the reply.

"The vote. Your franchise. Do you have the ability to secure credit under your own name? Can you, if you wish, apply to be a firefighter or police officer? Do you have a legal identity that is not attached to your husband or father? Are you judged on merit, rather than gender, at your place of work? In short, do you enjoy all the rights and privileges of a US citizen regardless of your gender?"

I waited for an answer.

"Well, yeah..."

I cut her off.

"Congratulations, the dream of Susan B. Anthony has come true! We're equals. Which means my ass stays in this seat and you can either take the empty seat next to me or stand. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn either way."

I went back to my book.

"But I'm black!"

Without looking up. "I'm Irish. Nobody beats us at racial or national hardships."

(What I almost said was "So, you need directions to the back of the car then?")

A stop or two later, she sat down.

Her first mistake was assuming I was a gentleman.

Comments

[bunyip.livejournal.com]

You bloody rock, mate!!

[hellloooonurse.livejournal.com]

You, sir, rock. I take my hat off to you. :)

[mdlbear]

With an empty seat available, not even a gentleman is obligated to give up his seat.

[murbin.livejournal.com]

Nicely done. I do wonder if she even knew who Susan B. Anthony was.

[lisa-marli.livejournal.com]

Yep you weren't rude, she was. First, one should never say that someone else should do something to be polite. That is actually Not Polite! Second, there was still an empty seat, so you were NOT oblidged to do Anything any way. And I'm giving you the Rules according to Miss Manners. Your position as Doug remains intact.
And I'm Jewish married to an Irishman, so I'm Jewish and Irish. Beat you! :P
Hope you finish getting better soon.

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

Without looking up. "I'm Irish. Nobody beats us at racial or national hardships."

Bah. I'm Jewish. We got millennia on you.

Oh, and you rock most rockily.

[patagucci-thong.livejournal.com]

Doug, I love you man. :)

I so needed to read that....you have no idea...thank you for the smile. :)

Oh, and for making me spray my drink out my nose. ;)

That was the AWSEOME-EST!!!!

[netquiddler.livejournal.com]

Even though I consider myself a gentleman, if there's a seat available, then she can have that one instead of mine.

[twfarlan.livejournal.com]

Jayzus Crisco. Glad you went with the second remark.

[cmdr-zoom.livejournal.com]

"But I'm black!"

"Martin Luther King's too! Hallelujah!"

[nobleplatypus]

*SNORK*

Rock on, man.

[fragbert.livejournal.com]

You are my hero today.

[benkenobigal.livejournal.com]

Kick ass!! That was beautiful. First tries to use the "politeness" line and when that doesn't work, plays the race card??? So uncool. Very good. I would have applauded. :)

[zombiesmut.livejournal.com]

This will probably be deleted because you're a completely unfunny cocksucker and I'm sure other people have told you beforehand, but dude...

I completely missed that part of history class where the Irish were made to work in fields as slaves and beaten and whipped, considered animals rather than human beings. And yeah, being dragged away from your potatos and peat house by those portuguese bastards to work the plantations in chains, sold like property, must have been nasty. I really thought my history teacher was thourough too, I'm dissapointed.

Go die, horribly and miserably, you worthless piece of shit. Then again what am I supposed to expect from faux Irish?

[tanyad.livejournal.com]

(I wandered over from s_f) I apologize for the stupidity of that wench as a black woman.

I do thank you for not making the back of the car remark however ;)

[a-view-so-cruel.livejournal.com]

Came over here from stupid_free and I have to say, you are quite possibly the coolest person alive. What a dimwit, like you owe her a damn thing. I'd have flipped at her for that "I'm blaaaaack" whine. Entitlement whore, does she ever need to get slapped. (And I spit dr. pepper out at the "back of the bus" remark).

Conclusion; you win the internet.

[00goddess.livejournal.com]

Very well-played. I wish I had witnessed it :)

I am a lady and sometimes men give up their seats for me. But I give up my seat for any elderly person, male or female... because that's what a lady does.

And in any case THERE WAS ALREADY A SEAT AVAILABLE. That alone makes her seem nuts, the rest is just gravy :)

[redhotpeppers.livejournal.com]

I am definitely adding this to my memories.


(What I almost said was "So, you need directions to the back of the car then?") - My favorite line