Regarding sentence order, I like it the way it is. The second sentence gives rise to the third, and it progresses from there. Also, the first sentence is a GREAT hook.

The last sentence is a little awkward. The plural of "it" in English is difficult to manage, and when I read it aloud "thought that the thing on the..." had me lisping.

The image you're building is awesome, though. I'm interested! Keep it coming! :)