gridlore: One of the penguins from "Madagascar," captioned "It's all some kind of whacked-out conspiracy." (Penguin - Conspiracy)
Douglas Berry ([personal profile] gridlore) wrote2008-02-01 07:26 pm
Entry tags:

Cows, Mr. Rico!

My driving career has been punctuated by encounters with farm animals. Who can forget my tense showdown with the Lesbian Sheep of Gilroy? Or the literary chickens of Redwood Estates?

Today, I was attacked by cows.

A company had piled up an impressive amount of unclaimed Will-Calls of the "Special Manufacture - No Cancellation, No Return" variety. After several calls where it was pointed out that they were going to get charged anyway, they asked that the material be delivered. We couldn't find the address on the computer. Bad sign. Before heading over to Tracy, I called them and got directions that included the number of cattle chutes I would pass.

Riiigghht...

Make it out to Green Acres Electric, get out of the truck to try to contact someone. Once I found the office, and came back outside, my truck was surrounded by cows. At least forty head of cattle, milling around my truck in what I saw as a threatening manner. I glanced at the beautiful mastiff that was the yard dog, and he sent me a look that said "Sheep. Dogs are known for herding sheep. You're on your own, two-legs." The electrician called the cows' legal guardian. She commented that they were curious about newcomers, ans had learned to open the gate! Doesn't anybody else remember Jurassic Park? Today they're opening gates, tomorrow their breaking into Titan silos and launching nukes!

Once the bovine mafia had been cleared back to their entirely unsecured pen, I was told that the pallet actually needed to go to their warehouse. This edifice was described as being "just down the road.. at the first signal, turn left, left for the Star Hotel, and turn into the gravel road."

Fifteen minutes and ten miles later I reach the first signal. Find the warehouse/meth lab. "You want to unload that?" "No, I'm just taking your stuff on a grand tour. Here's your sign..."

Long day. And I don't trust the cows. I'm barricading the doors tonight.

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