24 Jan 2017

gridlore: A Roman 20 sided die, made from green stone (Gaming - Roman d20)
From the CivVI game I started today. I had one scout unit that refused to autoexplore a huge undiscovered area to my west. I know this was because of a nearly impassable mountain range that bisected the continent. But in my mind, this is how it played out.

Centurion (John Cleese) "The scouts have returned, Sire."

Emperor Trajan (Graham Chapman) "Very well, send them in."

Scout 1 (Eric Idle) and Scout 2 (Terry Jones) enter.

Trajan: "Brave scouts, your discoveries will show us the paths to expanding our empire! Tell me of your travels and what riches lie waiting for our hand."

S1: "Well, to be honest . . . fish."

S2: "Oh, yes. Quite lovely fish, and quite a lot of them!"

T: "Excellent! So a new ocean lies to the west?"

S1: "Ah, no. These fish, these particular fish, are to the east. In a fish market. In Carthage."

S2: "Lovely fish, at a reasonable price!"

T: "Carthage!? I sent you out to explore unknown lands and meet new peoples, not go up the bloody trade road and eat fish in bloody Carthage! Why didn't you do what I ordered and travel west?"

S2: "Yes about that, you see . . ."

S1: "It's scary out that way."

T: "Scary? We have no idea what's there, it's why I sent to to scout it out!"

S1: "Well, look at the map, sire! Just beyond those mountains there's a giant lizard, it must be fifty miles long! And all we have are these sticks to fight with!"

S2: "And they're not even pointed sticks."

Everyone else: "Shut up!"

T: "There is no 50 mile long lizard. That's just artistic license."

S2: "I didn't know we had developed artistic license yet!"

S1: "Oh, we have that, but sewers are centuries off, they say."

C: "Odd set of priorities, if you ask me."

T: "No one asked you. And how are you a centurion when we don't have iron yet?"

C: "It's the only costume we have the identifies the scene as being in Rome."

T: (glaring at the scouts) "Now you two are going north to the passes, then west into new lands, and report on what you find. Now get!"

S2: "What about the giant lizard?"

S1: "What about pointed sticks?"

T: "GET OUT!"

Cut to Terry Gilliam animation of the scouts moving north them west towards blank area of the map. Suddenly the map art of a giant lizard comes to life and eats them.

Centurion, facing the camera. "Sadly, the developers hope that the map elements eating units bug will become a beloved feature, much like Gandhi going nuts when nukes are developed. I don't see it happening, myself." Looks up, screams, and tries to duck as a giant lizard head drops in to eat him.

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